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Wife: I’m not talking to you.

Husband: OK.

Wife: Don’t you want to know the reason?

Husband: No, I respect & trust your decision. 🙂
(1)
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It’s been raining for days now and my wife seems very depressed by it. She keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let her in.
(3)
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Husband: Will you marry after I die?

Wife: No, I will live with my sister. Will you marry after I die?

Husband: No, I will also live with your sister.
(2)
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My wife said I ruined her birthday;I’m not sure how I did that, I didn’t even KNOW it was her birthday!
(2)
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Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, “My wife is an angel.”

The second man says, “You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”
(3)
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Scientists have finally found out what a woman wants. Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.
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What’s the world’s smallest handcuffs? Wedding rings.
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I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
(2)
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Wife: If I’d known you were this poor, I’d never have married you. 

Husband: Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?
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No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
(2)
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My wife is my Strength.
All the other women are my weakness.
(2)
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During an argument with her husband, a wife was just about to calm down.
But then her husband asked her to calm down...
(2)
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I helped my neighbour out with something this morning, and she said to me, "I could marry you."

I couldn't believe it...
You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.
(3)
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“What the hell! Are you insane?!”

“What? Why? I thought we agreed we’re going to throw our sorrows overboard on this Caribbean cruise!”

“Yes, Roger, but that was my mother!”
(4)
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Some husbands hold their wife’s hand in malls because if they leave her hand, she’ll go for shopping.
(2)
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My wife and I have decided we don’t want kids.
If you’re interested, please contact us immediately to arrange dropping them off.
(3)
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🙂 Lying through your teeth doesn’t count as flossing.
(4)
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So when is this “old enough to know better” supposed to kick in?
(4)
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🙂 You inspire my inner serial killer.
(2)
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🙂 What doesn’t kill you
disappoints me.
(3)
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🙂 The word queue is ironic.
It’s just a “q” with a bunch of silent letters waiting in a line.
(4)
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My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
(2)
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We've been married for five years but it's only felt like five minutes...underwater.
(2)
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Bundle, you are funny!
(1)
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An older husband and his trophy wife are on a hike when the sun starts to go down.

Husband: Don’t you think we should turn back?

Wife: Don’t worry I have a flashlight. Just a little further.

It starts to get darker as they enter an isolated swampy part of woods. Then the flashlight goes out.

Husband: Th-th-this is getting creepy.

Wife: You think this is scary? I have to walk out of here alone.
(2)
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My wife thinks I’m a trophy husband. 
Participation trophy, but still.
(3)
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I'm not bossy.
I just have better ideas.
(2)
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I'm not bossy.
I'm aggressively helpful.
(3)
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A bossy man walked into a bar…
Then ordered everyone a round.
(1)
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I’m not bossy…
I’m the boss.
(2)
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