Follow
Share
Read More
Things to do today:
1. Get up
2. Survive
(4)
Report

The problem with some people...
is that they exist.
(4)
Report

"Don't stop believin'..."

I never started.
(0)
Report

What doesn't kill you...
will hopefully try again.
(1)
Report

I get in this weird mood sometimes where I don't want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone.

I call this mood "Awake".
(5)
Report

There are two types of people in this world.
Avoid both of them.
(2)
Report

🙂❤️ I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me.
(0)
Report

🙂😘 I’m not bossy.
I just know what you should be doing.
(4)
Report

🌸🌸🌸🍀🍀🍀
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
(3)
Report

My man says I treat him like a child. I gave him a sticker for standing up for himself.
(4)
Report

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend, “That’s us in 10 years.”

He said, “That’s a mirror!”
(7)
Report

My doctor told me to stop eating chocolate, so it’s going to be a big change for me. I’ve been with that doctor nearly 20 years.
(7)
Report

Wife (getting out of the shower): I just saw myself in the mirror naked, and I look terrible. How about a nice compliment to lift my spirits?

Husband: Your eyesight is perfect.
(4)
Report

Any woman wanting a husband
obviously never had one before.
(5)
Report

A lady announces to her friend that she is getting married for the 4th time.

"How wonderful! What happened to your 1st husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms & died."

"How tragic! What about your 2nd?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms & died."

"Terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third 3rd."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
(6)
Report

Women have a number of faults. Men have only two – everything they say and everything they do.
(2)
Report

BOJ: My “great aunt” (close friend of my grandmother) WAS married 4 times and told that story, with drama and a straight face, only they ate tainted tuna and the 4th died of a blow to the head. I was certain she and I shared DNA. What a character she was!
(3)
Report

I’m going to have a quiet night in and think about everything I’ve done wrong in the past 16 years.
(2)
Report

I finally got it all together.

But I forgot where I put it.
(3)
Report

🙂 We’d be a normal couple if it weren’t for you.
(2)
Report

I may act like I'm OK but deep down inside
I'm hungry again.
(2)
Report

🙂 When you decide to have a cheat meal and all of a sudden it's 3 years later...
(2)
Report

🙂 I don't hate you, I despise you...
There is a difference.
(1)
Report

🙂 It's not you,
it's someone else better than you.
(1)
Report

🙂 To err is human,
but to blame someone else for it shows management potential.
(2)
Report

No time to argue
I'm hungry.
(2)
Report

🙂 99% sure my soulmate is a dog.
(3)
Report

🙂 I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
(2)
Report

BOJ, I left a tap running all last night by mistake, drained the rainwater tank. I've just sent DH (down on the farm) the one about "To err is human, but to blame someone else for it shows management potential". There's no-one else to blame unfortunately, but it might soothe the wound.
(3)
Report

Soulmate (noun)

Someone who does same weird things you do.
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter