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Lord I’m not asking you for my soulmate…I’m just asking you for the Tracking #.
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--Spirit of contradiction, are you there?
--No.
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I have a mind full of useless information
and I'm not afraid to use it.
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I tried donating blood today...NEVER AGAIN!!!
Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it?
Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket?
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🙂 I need a new friend.
The last one escaped.
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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly gifted.
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Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders.

How I learned this rule is not important.
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I got kicked out of hospital.
Apparently the sign "stroke patients here" meant something completely different.
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Don't sweat the small stuff.
Lump it together with the big and medium things and have a major breakdown instead.
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A man arrives in heaven. He must fill out a review.

Evaluate your stay on Earth:
Would you recommend it to a friend?
Yes/No?
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🙂 You are a background character in a much more interesting person's story.
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😉 a cheerful thought:

We're all going to die, and aside from the extremely rare chance that you'll do anything notable enough in your life, you will inevitably be forgotten, as life, the world, the universe, and everything is just a series of processes.
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🙂

If you shoot for the moon, I recommend making it, because if your plan B is the stars, it will take you about 100 million times longer to reach even the closest one outside our solar system, and I doubt you have that kind of time.
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😉 another cheerful thought:

When you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million light years too late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.
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😉

If at first you don’t succeed,
try something easier.
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😉

Let future you deal with it.
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Adults seemed way adultier when I was little...
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🙂 I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud.
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🙂 I have a lot to offer!
Most of it is bad, but it's still a lot!
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"You are what you eat."

WTF?? When did I eat anxiety and back problems?
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I don't know who needs to hear this but throw away that box your iphone came in. You don't need it. You will never need it.
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🙂 I'm naturally irritated when I first wake up. You have to give me a few days to adjust.
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Is British food really that bad?

If made correctly, yes.
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You know that feeling when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Yeah, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that.
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🙂 First they'll give you butterflies
then mental trauma.
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Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be f****ing kidding me
3. Death
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Just saw somebody my age have their life together,
day is ruined.
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Me to me:
You stress me out.
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If you're single, have some patience.
Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers.
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🙂 Imagine a refund on all the money you spent in a relationship.
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