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What doesn’t kill you
is gonna leave a scar.
(1)
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Dogs have no idea what’s going on
and I’m so jealous of them.
(1)
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It’s about to get
really not that great.
(1)
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There’s no need to repeat yourself.
I ignored you just fine the first time.
(1)
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Be yourself.
No one else wants to be you.
(1)
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Be like a star




distant and dying
(1)
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It takes 43 muscles to frown
and 72 to say, “F*** off!”

Totally worth the extra effort.
(1)
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1. Wake up
2. Hate everything
3. Go to sleep
4. Repeat
(1)
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I’ve put myself in a time-out until I can play nice with others.
This may take a while.
(1)
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It’s a beautiful day
to leave me alone.
(1)
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Keep calm
while we steal your data.
(1)
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It always
gets worse.
(1)
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The word “phonetically” doesn’t even start with an f.
Sh*t like this is why aliens fly straight past us.
(2)
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You only get one body
and you’ve already ruined it.
(3)
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People are really great
as long as you don’t get to know them.
(1)
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I LOVE these joke tidbits!!

Not a joke so much, but one day I showed up to mom’s MC with a ukele, plastic leis to hand out, and wearing a GIANT orange muumuu, and announced, “ We’re going to Hawaii today!” Confession: this was probably more for my sake than hers, but later I realized that mom and some residents actually thought they had gone to Hawaii. I felt like a wizard.

Also forgot a change of clothes ( I live 1 hr away ) and had to run errands, went to post office and grocery store in said orange muumuu. No one batted an eye so I wonder what my natural vibe is hahaha

Still bringing the Ukelele to MC because it is a magical instrument.
(5)
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🏖️🏝️🏖️🏝️
Just go. It’s bad manners to keep your passport waiting.
(1)
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I was going to throw in the towel
but then I remembered how much laundry I already have.
(4)
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Life doesn’t come with a manual.
It comes with a mother.
(2)
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🤔 Are you kidding me?? Or are you Julying to me?
(2)
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One day you’re not old.
And the next day you have a favorite grocery store.
(3)
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Probably late for something.
(2)
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Let’s get this party started
because I need to be in bed by 9:00.
(5)
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🥰 Mornings…
When a whole day of food is ahead of you.
(3)
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BOJ, I'm finding things difficult at present, and I want to tell you how much I appreciate you taking the trouble to post the jokes. Even the bad ones! Lots of Love, Margaret
(1)
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🙂🙂 haha, just trying to make us laugh/smile, despite all we’re going through.

here’s a huggg for the difficult time you’re going through!!!

in fact, a huggg to all of us. i know it’s really hard.
(2)
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This is a funny anecdote: When my Alzheimer's-ridden mom wanted to tell someone that she had pounded the pavement, looking for a job (accounting) in NY after college, but what she said was, Ï walked the streets of NY, if you know what I mean," I laughed, in spite of the stress of caregiving. Whenever she would say or do something funny, I jotted it down. It was therapeutic. These anecdotes (mostly funny) became a book: "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." Writing and then laughing (not at my mom, but at the disease), became my lifeline.
(4)
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Life doesn’t come with a manual.
However, which mother it comes with is not optional.
Without the dad's contribution, it is not possible.
(1)
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Here's my modification of a previous joke.

"Sometimes, one doesn’t have one's ducks in a row, and one's pond is drying up."
(1)
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I'm not old, I just need some WD-40.
(3)
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