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Did you know that in Hawaii it is illegal to laugh loudly?

One must keep their laugh to a low ha.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, “On your mark…” - RD
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Attempted a joke about elevators, had their highs and lows. - RD
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My wife said I never listen. At least, that’s my interpretation of her words. - RD
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My guardian angel filed for a transfer. - RD
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Fell into a vat of wine once. I’ve been in high spirits since.
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I advised my spouse to accept her errors. She hugged me.
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“My wife’s a lousy cook. After dinner, I don’t brush my teeth. I count them.”
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“My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.”
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I asked my wife last night, “Were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.
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I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, “what, you can’t think of anybody either?
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Quitting smoking, now that’s a tough one. My wife and I made a deal, we’ll only smoke after sex. I’ve had the same pack now since 1975.
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Question: Where do you live?

Answer: The hood.

Question: What?

Answer: Adulthood and it sucks

Question: Where did you grow up?

Answer: The hood.

Question: Which one?

Answer: Childhood, it was great, I want to return and live there forever.

Question: Have you ever heard, "You can't return home"

Answer: I intend on trying for that's my favorite hood.

Response: I don't think that you understood.
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Since our bundle of joy is on a break I thought I would post some eye rolling, silly jokes.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Deduct. Deduct who? Deduct said, "Quack! Quack'"




My mom gave an old rope a time out. It was knotty!




What do you call a night who just lost a fencing match? A sword looser.




I hope everyone has a better day today and is blessed beyond exceedingly abundantly.
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I bought a new Ipad and named it Titanic. Now when I plug it in to my laptop, it says "Titanic is syncing".

Why did the duck fall in love with the dog?
Because it was pure bread.

My friend told me she started a new craft.
I asked, "Which craft"?
She was offended and turned me into a newt.
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A burglar stole all my lamps. I should be upset but I am delighted.

A woman is watching a movie at the theater, when the people in front of start talking. She taps one on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, but I can't hear."
The person scowls and says, "I should hope not. This is a private conversation."

I would tell some jokes about circles but they're pointless
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I used to love long walks on the beach with my boyfriend.

Until the LSD wears off and I realized I am dragging a stolen mannequin
around the Denny's parking lot, and there are red and blue flashing lights 🚓
not fireworks. 🧨️🎇
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Whenever someone invites me over to their house
and there are more than a couple of cars outside,

I drive right on by
because it could be an intervention.
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You know, 50% of marriages fail, but divorce, divorce is forever!
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How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? Zero the ex-wife got the house.
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Why did the divorced man cross the road? Restraining order.
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"The secret to a long and happy marriage is not about tearing each other down, but tearing other people down together.”

🌸🌸😉🌸🌸
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“Marriage doesn’t make you live longer. It only seems longer.”
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🙂 quote from sendhelp:

"What can be done with paperwork can be undone by more paperwork."
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🙂 brave one…

"He ain't afraid of hard work, he'll stand right next to it all day."
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🙂 “If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.”
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“There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but it helps if it’s dead first.”
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🙂 Have a genius moment and make it work and say, “You can't teach that.”
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🙂 Keep calm
and

¥££*<~!!!!**!!$&&!!!!!!
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🙂 Freak out
and

cry a little
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