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You can teach a cat to do anything

that it wants to do.
(3)
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🙂
"I'd like people more
if they were cats instead."
(4)
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🙂 I care deeply about like 7 people in my life,
and about 400-600 dogs on the internet that I've never met.
(2)
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🙂 I'm a leader, not a follower,
unless it's dark. Then you're going first.
(2)
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Making fun of someone you're angry with
is childish.
Be an adult and hit them with your car.
(2)
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🙂 On a scale from 0-10, how focused are you?

Banana.
(2)
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🙂 If you like someone, set them free.
If they come back, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
(2)
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There are 7 billion people in the world.
I like 6 of you.
(1)
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I hate spelling errors.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
(4)
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Does it count as saving someone's life
if you just refrain from killing them?
(2)
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2016: didn't jog
2017: didn't jog
2018: didn't jog
2019: didn't jog
2020: didn't jog
2021: didn't jog
2022: didn't jog
2023: didn't jog
2024: still haven't jogged

This is a running joke.
(4)
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--Relax David, it's just a small surgery, don't panic.

--But doctor, my name isn't David...

--I know. I am David.
(5)
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😳 I burn most of my calories by rolling my eyes.
(1)
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10 am — anything is possible
2 pm — but not today
(4)
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I'm awake.
Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
(5)
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🙂 
The path to inner peace begins with 3 words:
not my problem.
(5)
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🙂 
Have you ever been on a date and thought,
dying alone doesn't sound that bad?
(3)
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🤷‍♀️ Today’s generation will never get to know the satisfaction of slamming down the phone during an angry hang-up.
(4)
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🙄 Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life when they realize they’re stupid?
(3)
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I was addicted to the hokey-pokey
but I turned myself around.
(4)
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🙂 
You'll all be sorry
when I figure out how to breathe fire.
(2)
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Maybe the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about!
(4)
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🙄 If it's the thought that counts,
I should probably be in jail.
(3)
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🙂 🙂 
I've never had a problem
that I couldn't make worse.
(4)
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I’m not adding this year 2024
to my age. I did not use it.
(3)
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😉 Few of us could bear to have ourselves for neighbours.
(1)
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😇💪🏻 We’re all brave in our own way.

For example, I’m not afraid of rough cookie dough.
(2)
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🙃 Sorry about the mess
but we live here.
(5)
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Some babies were dropped on their heads.
You were clearly thrown at a wall.
(3)
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😳 You haven’t known fear until
you’ve tried on a too-small dress and thought you were stuck in it forever.
(3)
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