Follow
Share
Read More
I’m going to start telling men “I know a place”, then drop them off at a therapist.
(2)
Report

😉 They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian; Well, they're not laughing now.
(8)
Report

😉 I was so surprised when the stationary store moved.
(5)
Report

😉 My ex still misses me. But their aim is getting better!
(5)
Report

"Three wishes," the genie says.
"First wish," the stoner grins, "let's smoke a joint." They do.
Then, "Second wish, let's smoke another." They do.
For the third wish, he says, "Let's smoke one more."
The genie, looking concerned, says, "Are you sure? You have only one wish left."
"Yeah, man, I'm sure," the stoner replies. They smoke, and the genie goes back in the bottle.

A little while later, the genie comes out of the bottle and says, "Alright, what's your fourth wish?"
(2)
Report

🙂 Just wanted to let you know, that I'm pretty good in bed.
I hardly ever fall out now.
(4)
Report

🙂 What language do oranges speak?
Mandarin!
(3)
Report

Brain (noun)

Something we all have but don’t use very often.
(1)
Report

i already posted this, but i have to re-post it because it’s funny:

🥰 Soulmate (noun)

Someone who does the same weird things you do.
(2)
Report

Secret (noun)

Something you tell everybody to tell nobody.
(3)
Report

Tomorrow (noun)

The day your diet starts.
(3)
Report

Long story short (phrase)

Turns out I will tell an entire fully detailed story.
(2)
Report

The other day (noun)

Any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
(2)
Report

The end of the world (noun)

No internet connection.
(3)
Report

This message was deleted (phrase)

The message you wanted to see the most.
(2)
Report

Heaven (noun)

A place full of everything you get sent to h*ll for.
(2)
Report

Haha (noun)

I actually saw this joke already but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.
(2)
Report

Morning (noun)

The time when the bed has more gravity.
(2)
Report

That’s what I mean (noun)

What you said made more sense so I’m taking credit for it.
(3)
Report

English teachers (noun)

People who put more thought into a novel than the original author ever did.
(3)
Report

Showering (verb)

5% washing
95% winning fake arguments
(2)
Report

Hair (noun)

Something that you know you need to wash, but you are not mentally prepared to dry it.
(2)
Report

🙂 Annoying the cook will result in starvation.
(2)
Report

You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands.
For instance, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
(6)
Report

There are two types of people. I hate both.
(2)
Report

😉 A caregiver gets held up at gunpoint by a mugger who says, "Your money or your life!"
The caregiver says, "Is there a third thing? I don't have either of those."
(9)
Report

reminds me of "Trick or Treat".
(1)
Report

Where's the best place to get dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base
(4)
Report

🙂 A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
(3)
Report

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
(2)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter