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Do you know where they store Dad jokes?


In a Dada bank.
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Two blondes walk into a building...you would think one of them would have seen it.
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A blonde opens a box of cheerios and yells, "Oh my gosh, they're donut seeds!"
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🙂 stand-up comedian:

Happy wife…happy life!
I wonder who came up with that one!

…I wish husband rhymed with life.
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🙂
I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.
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🙂
You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time: Husband!
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🙂
Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.
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🙂
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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🙂
One day, my wife’s credit card got stolen. What a relief! Because the thief spends less than my wife!
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years—we were on the freeway at the time.
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I was ready to get married nine years before my wife was. It was only later I realized that she was using all those years to train me. And that’s why I know she will never leave me. She doesn’t have that kind of time to train somebody else.
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🙂
Your wife won’t start an argument with you if you’re cleaning.
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So true.
IF my husband quits watching tv and actually does something,I would never bother him~
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🙂 stand-up comedian:

There’s a selfishness to human beings that I think we just all sort of have! Just built in there…

The fact that community service is a punishment in society…It’s a pretty good sign.

Right under prison, you get community service.

It’s like:
How badly did you f*** up that you have to help the community?
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🙂
It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful.
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Stupidity is painful; only to others!
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Tell a man there are a billion stars in the sky, he'll believe you.

Tell him that the paint is wet, and he has to touch it.
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🙂
I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
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🙂
I wouldn’t say you are stupid.
You truly are.
But I wouldn’t say it.
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🙂
Two clever people can never fall in love.

True love needs one idiot.
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😉
Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.
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🙂🌸
Don’t block all your haters. Leave one or two so they can report back to headquarters.
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🥰🥰🥰
I'm so blinded by love for you, I got approved for a seeing-eye dog!
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😉
Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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There are 3 levels of pain: pain, excruciating pain, and stepping on a Lego.
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Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.
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Me:
I need to do a thing.

Body:
You did a thing yesterday, that’s enough things.
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🙂
I hope you’re going through hell; keep going.
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🙂
We recently targeted your company in a cyber attack. How did we do? Please take a moment to rate your experience.
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😉

"It's not boring staying in the house for weeks in a row.
But how come one bag
of rice has 48,356 grains
and the other 47,998?"
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