I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
Mr. & Mrs. Wong had a baby boy. The nurse bought out a white baby. The father looked confused. He said 2 Wongs don't make a white and they named him, Sum Ting Wong.
eat salad and
go for a run
Other days I
eat cupcakes and
wear my baggiest sweat pants.
It's called balance.
"for my blonde friends... an apology".
One of them responded.
"You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
when it went off and hit him.
She frantically called 911 and said
"OMG I've accidentally shot my husband, I think I've killed him!"
The dispatcher replied "ma'am calm down, first I want you to go and
make sure he's actually dead"
"Okay" she replied...
- BANG -
"I've done that, now what?"
So I signed her up for radiation treatments.
"Why didn't you plead guilty at the beginning and save the court's time?"
The judge demanded.
"Well," Paddy responded, "until I heard all the evidence I thought I was innocent."
'On and on and on Anon'
Next day the man comes back and asks the Barber how long until I can get a haircut? Barber says 2 hours. Man leaves.
Third day the man is back again and asks the Barber how long before I can get a hair cut? Barber says 1 hour. Man leaves.
A friend of the Barber was visiting the shop at the time so the Barber asks him for a favor and follow this guy to see where he goes.
In 10 minutes he returns and the Barber asks, well where did he go?
Friend says......Your house.
(haha)
There is white out on the screen!
How do you know when a blonde is used a computer after another blonde?
There is writing on the white out on the screen!
Boss says "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man says "Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity."
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.
The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply.
"For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!
At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
"I'm a vet, therefore I drive like an animal"
I suddenly realized how many proctologists there are on the roads.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
“No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”
Employee: Certainly not! There's no proof.
Boss: There is now. After you left early to go to your uncle's funeral, he came here looking for you.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya BLEEP_BLEEP! Spit it out!"
The Englishman pulls out a picture of his son. "He was born on St George's day so of course we decided to call him George" he said.
"What a coincidence" says the Scot, "our boy was born on St Andrew's day so naturally we decided to call him Andrew".
"That's incredible!" said the Irishman. "The exact same thing happened with my son Pancake".
(I know it's not pc but Buzzy started it😉)