I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
i sent your joke to my detective . he'll love it . :P
i just now caught your joke about the tomato garden and the imprisoned son .
hilarious , i'll have a blast with it for a few days . thanks
my detective LOVED it .
mr " kind of a big deal around here " ( at the forestry ) is always asking how my day is going . im just so sincere and methodical when it comes to the task at hand that he isnt sure if im staying on or grabbing a chainsaw and cutting 60 people in half most days .
he asked me if my morning was going ok this am , in front of a few other people .
i told him that ive been feeling so much better after switching my morning coffee with OJ ---- vitamin -- C --- natural sugars --- , etc , ending up at vodka .
the guy threw back his head and roared . really broke some ice between us . in hindsight , i think he was being pretty assumptive to guess ( so quickly ) that i was kidding . they all know im a booze maker .
My cousin and I were talking about this situation, and he quipped, " We're like the Highlander series - ' There can be only one'. "
I laughed so hard. Still do...
So I was at Walmart earlier...
A lady was looking at frozen turkeys and couldn't find one big enough so she asked a stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
He replied with a straight face "No madam, they're dead."
Okay, guess I have a quirky sense of humor. Your joke just cracked me up!
Some may be offended but I find it hilarious 😂.
Fine , the lady replied . Just publish " Fred is dead , rangerover for sale " .
🤣 Love it!
these clowns have evidently adopted an app that capitalizes sentences for those of us who cant be arsed to do so .
that or one of the moderators has chosen to pick up after me . if thats the case im in need of a live in bottle washer too . :)>
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
from nowhere the guy exclaims " i really love you " .
is that the beer talking ? his wife asked . im TALKING to the beer , said the husband .
You might get kilt
The blonde flips her hair and says, "I am blonde, I am beautiful and I am going to Chicago!"
The flight attendant says, "That's fine, however, you are in the wrong seat, you don't have a 1st class ticket. You must move to the back of the plane. "
Again the blonde flips her hair and says "I am blonde, I am beautiful and I am going to Chicago."
This happens 3 more times, at which point the flight attendant doesn't have time to deal with this. She goes up and informs the captain of the situation and asks if he will please intervene.
So the captain goes out and tells the blonde that she needs to move to the back of the plane as her ticket is not for 1st class. The blonde flips her hair and repeats, "I am blonde, I am beautiful and I am going to Chicago. "
The captain bends over and whispers in her ear, at which point the blonde screeches, jumps up and runs to the back of the plane.
The flight attendant is amazed that he was able to get her to move so quickly and asks, "How did you do that so easily, what did you whisper to her?"
He responds, "It was simple, I told her that 1st class wasn't going to Chicago. "
"When I told my parents that my husband has the flu, my dad said, 'Have you tried euthanasia?' and in the background my mom yelled, 'For the last time, it's echinachea!'"
LOL
Two yobs are walking across Trafalgar Square, amid whirling pigeons (as in Mary Poppins ‘feed the birds’). One says ‘What would you do if a bird shat on your head?’. The other thinks for a moment and then replies ‘I don’t think I’d want to see her again’.
i was reading a clickbait story on the ' daily fail ' a while back about a gal who had a written list of do's and dont's for her fiance .
one commenter wryly stated that " she'd better be dirtier than a coal shovel " to get by with that ..