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once a girl commenter complained that most men would indiscriminately " do " a hole in a fence , given the chance .

the next commenter asked " so , exactly where is this fence ? " .
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I remember this one from my own primary school days:
‘In days of old when knights were bold and ladies weren’t invented,
Men used holes in telegraph poles and went away contented’.
I was very young at the time, and didn’t understand it at all (true). Now I know more history, I wonder about how ladies were invented after the telegraph system. Still, most of my primary school mates didn’t have a clue either!
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i was kidding with one of the freedom challenged at work yesterday about the ( not always good ) effect that the prospect of ' procreation ' has on men . i told him that thats something there that a fellow had better read the fine print on .
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it is hoped / intended where i work that we ( DOC trained ) employees provide a positive example for our freedom challenged workers .

the ones ive had frequent contact with will probably ( avidly ) aspire to the hobby of home beer brewing .

still probably better than a smash and grab at the corner beer store .
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at least the virtue of " patience " is inadvertently learned .
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Wife: I'm going to have some vegetable rolls for my dinner.
Husband: Hmm... Don't you already have enough rolls (on you)?

Wife: ( to husband after making a good meal for him): You are well taken care of.
Husband: Well.. I'm not sure about that.. (sad tone), but I know I'm taken.
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Me to nurse at PC doc's office: I don't plan to take Fosamax EVER as it's bad for the teeth and jaw.
The nurse: Oh, really? I didn't know that.
Me: (under my breath) perhaps you should seek employment in another field of work.
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Llama, my mom went through the whole Fozomax experience for real. Had all her teeth pulled on one side before anyone diagnosed her properly. Real joke alright that docs can be so daft.🙄
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Gershun: Since I have an expensive mouth (a lot of dental work), in no way do I EVER intend to take Fosamax! I almost LOL'D at that nurse who didn't know that! I wanted to say "That's rich! How do I, the patient, know this AND YOU DON'T?" So I go the radiologist's office today where I was supposed to get the DEXA scan and the radiologist told me this - "Oh, that is correct about Fosamax. One time I heard of this lady who was at the dentist office ready to get dental surgery. The lady said she was on Fosamax. The dentist said 'I am not going to touch you - please leave.' "
So sorry about your mother. My mother took it, too, and had at least 6 to 8 teeth extracted. My mom took the medicine because the doctor was gave her the rx socialized with her! As long as the person socialized with her, she may have taken ANYTHING!😐
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Yes Llama, doctors........I shake my head.🤨
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a 75 yr old man is confessing to a priest one day . he says he broke his wedding vows and had sex with an 18 yr old woman .
" oh my " said the priest . how long has it been since youve been to confession ?

ive actually never been and im not really of the catholic belief , said the old guy .

the priest asked " why then are you in here telling me this now ?

im just telling EVERYBODY said the old man .
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Black Friday Special!!!

Stay at home and save 100%
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A grandpa and his grandson were on vacation, and when entering their cabin, always made sure to keep the porch light off to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies managed to come in. Noticing them before his grandpa did, the boy said, "It's no use, grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
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If the earth was flat cats would push everything off of it
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used to be a cat out at the farm where i worked . me and old " fred " liked each other pretty well .
i used to park him on my left arm and slowly and deliberately pet him the wrong way . he thought he must be pretty special cause none of the other cats got petted backwards .

one day he tried to hop from a rolling desk chair onto the computer desk where he couldnt possibly be ignored . with his front feet on the desk the chair started rolling backwards . the look on his face was hilarious . half embarrassment , the other half ; " i really dont know how to make this end in a dignified way " .

i ' saved ' him with a big hand under his belly and its been our secret until today .
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i have irish alzheimers -- ive forgotten everything but my enemies .
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Children are definitely smarter than adults. I have never yet met a child who would show pictures of his grandparents to total strangers on a plane, much less repeat the clever things they say.

Ok, now I'm going to be one of THOSE grandparents. Please indulge me, and I promise to do the same for you. I spent Thanksgiving with my son and his family. My daughter-in-law suggested we play a new game my 6-year-old granddaughter had. My granddaughter got the game and began reading aloud from the front of the box. She was confused when she got to the term "board game" and said, "It's not a board game." My daughter-in-law said, "Yes it is. The fold-out cardboard you play on is called a board, and games that use those are called board games." My granddaughter said, "But I thought board was when you did this." She then put her chin in her hand, sighed, and stared blankly ahead in a perfect pantomime of boredom.
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quite accurate imo .
board games often devolve into bored games .

i thought myself a loser for decades because i sucked so bad at monopoly . now i realize my sister was robbing the bank every time i looked away . btch scarred me for life .
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my younger son had a library of ' legal ' expletives he was permitted to use at will .

sometimes he'd try a bite of something not to his liking and expressing all the indignation he could muster , he would inform us that " this crap's SKUS - TED . ( disgusting ) .
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Hahaha, board games usually involved tears and tantrums at my house, usually mine because I was the youngest and was taunted for being stupid and a sore loser.
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they might have been cheating , cwillie .
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Actually, cwillie, this game was an alternative sort of concept in which players cooperate instead of competing. It's called Race to the Treasure and is put out by a company called Peaceable Kingdom. (I promise I'm not advertising and don't get any kickbacks.) My son got it for my granddaughter after Candyland began to get too cutthroat competitive.
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dogperson,
does everyone get a participation trophy ?

just kiddin ya . ive never liked how cutthroat competition is encouraged in our schools either . in the workplace ive always found that everybody comes out ahead when they work together .
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im always giving my immediate supervisors good input . if they use it to cop themselves a few points i dont mind that at all . they arent likely to toss the golden goose of helpful ideas to the wolves when things get grim .
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That's a good attitude to take about it, Captain.

I do get what you're saying about participation trophies, and we may have gone too far in that direction. On the other hand, the winning is everything view can definitely be overdone also.
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My joke for tonight.
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Here is a Christmas tree.
My dH says it is leaning to the left.
I say it is one half of a tree, only the right side.
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5 year old upon seeing bag of spinach & kale mix...

"Did you buy a bag of leaves?"
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Reader beware:

There was a woman who had been really sick and was actually seeing "the light" and God said to her ...no, go back, it is not your time.  You are going to live a nice long life well into your late years.  The woman's health improved and she decided if she was going to live a long life, she was going to get plastic surgery to look great throughout those years.  She got a face lift, boob job, liposuction,  etc.  Dressed in her finest garb, she proceeded to cross the street and was hit and killed by a mac truck.  When she entered the pearly gates she said, "God I thought you said I was going to live a long life?"  He said, Hell I didn't even recognize ya!
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Just a couple of funnies:

I fold sheets exactly how I would fight off a boa constrictor

If we all switched to cursive and stick shift vehicles, we could cripple an entire generation.....

I picked up a hitchhiker last night...he seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"  I told him the odds of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical...
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