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Coronavirus “humor”...

My hubby saw this meme on FB and thought it was hilarious:

I use to cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough.
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If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
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It's so boring staying at home, but it's incredible that there are 8893 grains of rice in one bag, and there are only 8876 grains in another bag. We're being robbed.
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More from the Funny/Not Funny Coronavirus “humor”....

Whats the best way to get a Coronavirus test?

Cough in a rich persons face and wait for their test results to come back.
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Do you ever wake up and lie there awhile because you need more time to sync with your Cloud?
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Polar,no joke at the moment but response to the floor plan message. Someone put it on my husband's facebook page. It was an apartment in NYC. This apartment had 2 bedrooms,2 baths,dining area off the kitchen and a balcony. There was very little sympathy or likes.
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River- I am not sure what you'e saying. Are you saying privacy was violated because someone posted a floor plan? You can not tell from a floor plan where the place/home/apartment is. A typical floor plan looks like millions of other floor plans. i thought the joke was hilarious.
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I think Riverdale is saying that if you live in NYC and you can afford two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining area separate from the kitchen and a balcony...

... people would just rather Like people who have a tiny bit more roughing it to do, shall we say?

I still think it's a jolly funny joke, though.
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Polar it is generally funny but CM was right. For those who know NYC a 2 bedroom with a balcony is fairly luxurious. Yes it is funny to show a floorplan as your weekend,spring vacation etc. because there is no other choice. I am not critical of the post. I lived in NYC decades ago. The reality of this floorplan just didn't indicate suffering for many New Yorkers but I believe in posting to help with humor during these dark times. I guess I would say you'd have to be there to get the joke.
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I love your jokes polarbear! Please keep posting :-)
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River & CM. I got it. No I don't live in NYC. I heard how expensive real estate is in NY but wasn't aware that a 2be 2ba with kitchen and balcony is a luxury. That is a typical apartment where I live.
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Think of a movie title. Remove one word and replace it with "Toilet Paper" For example:

The Toilet Paper Strikes Back;

The Return of the Toilet Paper;

The Last Toilet Paper;

A New Toilet Paper.;

As the Toilet Paper Turns;

The Edge of Toilet Paper .

Toilet Paper for Tomorrow.

The young and the Toilet Paper
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Lord of the Toilet Paper!
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Gone with the TP
Wizard of TP
I LOVE TP
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Pretty Toilet Paper
Mystic Toilet Paper
Steel Toilet Paper (ouch)
Runaway Toilet Paper

Toilet Paper to Remember
Rear Toilet Paper
Toilet Paper at Tiffany’s
Valley of Toilet Paper

Youve Got Toilet Paper
French Toilet Paper
When Harry met Toilet Paper
Hanging Toilet Paper

Private Toilet Paper
Almost Toilet Paper
How to Lose a Guy in Toilet Paper
I Wish I Was Toilet Paper

I could do this all night...
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Yet another funny/not funny from the Corona Vault:

”Dad, why did you and Mom name my sister Paris?”

”Because that’s where she was conceived, son”

”Okay, thanks Dad”

”No problem, Quarantined”
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Obiter Dicta
by Joseph Hilaire Pierre Belloc

SIR HENRY WAFFLE KC ( continuing ) 

Sir ANTHONY HABBERTON, Justice and Knight, 
Was enfeoffed of two acres of land 
And it doesn't sound much till you hear that the site 
Was a strip to the South of the Strand. 

HIS LORDSHIP ( Obiter Dictum ) 

A strip to the South of the Strand 
Is a good situation for land. 
It is healthy and dry 
And sufficiently high 
And convenient on every hand. 


At 2016 land prices: 2 acres of land in Westminster = c £75.5 million. Just the land, not the assets.
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From the Daily News, 26Dec2018.

Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30pm.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
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From the Daily News, 26Dec2018.

Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have been performed on dead people?

Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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This one has stayed with me a long time. When my fellow law students were close to qualification, we were allowed to take small cases. One smart guy asked his witness “Which car reached the point of impact first?”. Just think about it!
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Fear of the Toilet Paper

The Walking Toilet Paper

50 first Toilet Paper

Wedding Toilet Paper

Cannon ball Toilet Paper

Smokey end the Toilet Paper

John Toilet Paper

In Her Toilet Paper

Crazy Rich Toilet Paper

Collateral Toilet Paper

Storm of the Toilet Paper

Polar Toilet Paper

Deepwater Toilet Paper

Best Man's Toilet Paper
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Shell - I’d like to flip some of yours...

Toilet Papers First Date

Toilet Paper Singer

Toilet Paper Run

Toilet Paper Damage

What can I say? I amuse easily. Good thing too - my state of Oregon just went mandatory “stay at home”... it’s gonna be a looong two weeks but well worth it if it helps kick this crappy situation to the curb!!!

#flatenthecurve. Oops- wrong site but right message.
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Fareth:
"You're such a great guy."
"You'd make a good dad."
"I wish I could find someone like you."
"Not *you*, but, you know, someone just like you."

Commenter: I'll translate for you. You're b*tt ugly.
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I heard a funny comment last night. "I am now becoming one of those people that says get off my lawn,only I don't have a lawn".
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Aliens talking:
"so how did the earthlings die?"

"They used so much toilet paper, they wiped themselves out".
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I answered the phone & gave my usual, "911, do you need Police, Fire, or Ambulance?".
The person on the other end just started screaming, "BEEEEEEEEEES!! BEEEEEEEES!!"
I assumed that the bees were neither mugging him nor on fire. So I put it through to ambulance because what the fr*ck even.
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”9-1-1 what’s your emergency?”
”There’s a pig in the road. A big one.”
”Sir, where are you?”
”At the stoplight. It’s the biggest dang pig I have ever seen. Get someone here now!” (One stoplight town, the bar is near the intersection.)
”How big is the pig?”
”About the size of a volkswagen?”
”How much have you had to drink?”
”I’m not fricking drunk! It’s a giant pig, the size of a small car! What is wrong with you people?”

officers show up to find a full grown hippo that had escaped from the local wild animal park.
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Me: "Ah Choo!"
Daughter: (in her sing song voice) "Corona"
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Not really a joke, but a lesson for people. Read this online. A woman was shopping for her essentials and saw a man with a full cart of toilet paper, lots of sanitizer, paper goods, gloves. The woman glared at him and finally said to him "what a nerve you have, many people needs these items, how selfish you are." The man replied are you finished? I have to get back to work and restock the shelves.

We have a family of four and cut down our shopping from every three to four days to every two weeks. The only problem is we went shopping a few days ago and the shelves were practically empty.
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My daytime pajamas are getting mixed up with my nighttime ones so now I have to start all over.
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