I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
The first cop on the scene got out of his car with a breathe analyzer in hand. By the time he got back to the dispatcher, he was laughing hysterically over the radio telling people that it wasn't a DUI call. My dad actually did hit a 6 foot tall chicken.
That's the night my dad and all the local cops learned about the emu farm."
The first - not really a joke, but funny in an “OMG! Are you kidding” kinda way...
I went to pay for a take-out order at a local restaurant. They are no longer accepting CASH. Credit cards only. How upside down is that? Cash is no longer good in our new Corona world?
The second is a meme I saw on FB that isn’t nearly as funny in describing as it is seeing - but still...
Its a picture of a man sitting on a couch with a large dog sitting on each side of him. The man is wearing a large Cone of Shame. The speaking bubble above one of the dogs heads says: “We told you not to touch your face. This is for your own good”. Funny. Especially to dog lovers, I expect.
But even so - it just seems to be so symbolic of this devastating place in history.
For years, Ive patroned a number of small businesses who don’t take credit cards. The 2-4% charge that the credit card vendors charge the small business owners has a real impact on their bottom line.
But of course, in this time of needing to stay as low risk as possible when it comes to germs and illness - safety by far overrides the almighty dollar.
While it is completely logical - I find it a significant market in our rapidly changing world.
Sorry, I know this is a joke thread. No more non-joke from me here.
Please don't post your world worries here, there are other great AgingCare pages to post those on and to get great support/feedback.
Take care, stay calm, be kind, and stay home if you can.
Currently, I'm enjoying a book on anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down!
The instructions said:
"Remove cap and push up bottom."
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
;-)))))
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon? Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!"
With that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:
"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis miamigo, what ees it? "
"Pepe ees not a bacon tree. Ees...
Ees....
Ees...
Ees...
Ees...
Ees...
Ees....
… a HAM BUSH!"
... my prayer for 2020 is for a big FAT bank account and a THIN body.
Please don't mix these up like you did last year.
AMEN.
For all these years he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would never recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it he found 2 beautifully crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling over $25,000. He asked her about the unusual contents.
"When we were married," she said, " my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."
The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with joy and happiness.
"Sweetheart," he said... "that explains the doilies, but what about all this money? Where did it all come from?"
Oh," she said, " that's the money I made from selling the doilies."
Our news had a story yesterday about the police arresting both customer and ‘personal service provider’ in a brothel interstate, for failing to keep the new 2 meter personal distancing regulation. Brothels have to close! And so ...bonanza for Peep-a-View!
Thank heavens laughing is still legal. At least it was yesterday, it seems to change every day.
I call my dad everyday and this morning I asked him how he was handling the stay at home order issued by his state.
He replies, "Just what does stay at home mean?" I promptly said, "Stay at home! It is not a secret code!"
Are people really not understanding what that means?
Is it secret code to rush out to every grocery store and buy toilet paper? Hmmm?
It must be!! I heard that the manufactures of toilet paper are working overtime to ensure there is enough TP for everyone; however, that doesn't help if people keep hoarding it! Right!!
*Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it seems to go.
*I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
*What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
*The bank teller was relieved the masked person was a robber, and didn't have corona.
Cute!
I stared at him bewildered, then told him to go inside & say he wanted to buy a car wash, pay and bring out the receipt. He does this, then asks me what he should do next. I told him to drive to the car wash, so he did. He seriously sat there & asked me what to do next. I told him to roll your window down, type in the code on the receipt, & then you drive in. He did exactly that. He drove in & we started getting hosed.
I yelled at him, “And you put the window up! You put the window up!” It never occurred to me that I would need to tell someone that you don’t leave your windows down in a car wash."
Im sure this would be funnier if you
could actually see it - another meme on FB...
Its a pic of Hannibal Lecter - close up of his face. The caption is Hannibal saying “Don’t worry. When the food runs out - we still have each other.”
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started......
As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can't remember them either.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.
:) lil
Awesome! 😊
"Women: if you pack a toy in your bag, take the batteries out. Because if I’m loading your bag, & I hear it vibrating, I have to tell my lead. Then my lead has to come pull you off the aircraft. You have to open your bag & turn off your toy in front of a bunch of giggling grown arse men."