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Social isolation is making new contacts more attractive. I struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems a nice guy. He’s a web designer.
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I was looking up Dip recipes (for sandwich spread, we’re not doing entertainment for obvious reasons). Anyway, I remembered my favourite WikiHow instruction “How to make miniature humans with equipment you probably have around the house”. Thank heavens I'm too old!
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"My son stepped on a giant slug in the kitchen in the middle of the night. He ran into our bedroom and stepped on another slug. He let out a blood curdling scream. It woke me up and scared me so badly. I couldn’t sleep for a week. It wasn’t a slug the second time. It was just a sock."
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bookluvr: Too funny! My friend keeps a slug as a pet!
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I don't get all this cleaning with alcohol,
Nothing gets done after the first bottle.
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My mother is so old she won't even buy green bananas.
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Every country eventually got coronavirus, but China got it right off the bat.
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I can't believe I'm admitting to this, but . . .

when I first came across this forum, I was confused by something I kept seeing. Posters making comments such as, "mom needs to go to NH" or "going to check out NH today" etcetera. . . .

I was puzzled why so many people had parents in New Hampshire! What's up with New Hampshire? Is there something going on there that I'm not aware of? Is it the place to be for seniors?

It took a bit, but I caught on.
#acronymsareyourfriend
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Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.😬 The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it 😝.....pull myself together.

And finally, the conversation ended when the window said.....
stop being a pane.
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Aaah, Send. I used to Love those kinds of play of words when I was in school. I would share it with my siblings. But it wasn't their style of jokes. Unfortunately, I was the nerdy one - who didn't get their jokes. They had to explain to me the joke. By the end, they either gave up or I said that it wasn't funny or still puzzled....

Ahem... Cwillie, your 2 sentence joke about the iron - I didn't get it. But I Knew it's something that my brothers would have gotten and laughed over it. I had to re-read it at least 6 times within a 30min. time table. I was determined to 'get it'.... I finally got it and chuckled. sigh... For me, that was a simple but difficult one.
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“I was at a beach with my kids. They were throwing stones in the sea. I threw a pebble but somehow managed to throw it kinda sideways. It hit my youngest on the head. It was a small pebble. It didn’t really hurt him. 
 
He screamed, “Mummy, you hit me on the head with a rock! How could you!”
 
I swore to him a seagull dropped it on him. Every so often, he’ll bring it up. I will never admit it was me.”
 
Someone responded to the poster above: “You should bring this up on you’re deathbed, but die before you actually tell him it was you.”
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Copied from FB: High-five to the 68 overachievers who scored a DUI in March despite every bar in the state closed!
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I am having a quarantine party and none of you are invited.
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River,

hahaha. Thanks for the laugh. How about? “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” I actually hate that song but hey, we could be creative with the lyrics and it would fit.
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Not a joke but it made me smile - Family Lockdown Boogie
Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=G-ugfNXYcDg&feature=emb_logo
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Thankyou Cwillie 😂😂😂 just love it. (And love your new icon).
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Thanks everyone for the laughs...I really needed it tonight!😜
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"An air charter service was flying with two mechanics on board. The landing gear failed and they had to belly it in. The mechanics tried to fix the landing gear while airborne without success. Then they landed safely & smoothly. The Charter’s owner was hilarious.. He said something like, 'They tried so hard to fix the gear. There’s more damage inside the plane than outside.' "
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"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap." Bob Hope   (Thanks ,,,, for the Memories, Bob)   :) lil
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Gonna ask Mom if that offer to slap me into next year is still on the table.
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River,

So cute!
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New 2020 Airport Codes for Travel Destinations.

LVG               Living Room
KIT                 Kitchen
BTH               Bathroom
MBR             Master Bedroom
PAT               Patio
BAL               Balcony
HOFC            Home Office
MC                Man Cave
BKY               Backyard

Enjoy your trip!!!
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Yoda: Really funny.
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cwillie: Cool new Avatar!😁
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"Best friend of mine is a State Trooper. They have this little old lonely lady that calls. She tells the dispatcher that there are aliens/demons in her house and needs help. When the Troopers respond, they check the house. Sometimes yell that whatever is there has to leave. For this service, she gives them a huge box of cookies. They bicker with each other as to who gets to go that day. This happens at least twice a month."
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Bookluvr, that's adorable, and so sweet!  I wonder if the little old lady realizes that she's creating a diversion as well as a treat for the Troopers?   And it's probably a welcome change to those who don't appreciate what challenges law enforcement face, especially now.

Thanks for sharing!
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"The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of"...Oops,sorry, no they're not they're closed.
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The one below reminds me of the few times (okay a lot) I thought someone was smiling to me and I smiled back. Only to find out they were smiling to the person behind me...

"I was jogging late at night. A guy reached out his hand in front of me as I passed. I high-fived him.... Turns out he was hailing a taxi."
- Reddit ?
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At our age we can hide our own Easter eggs,wait half an hour and have no idea where we put them.
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River,

My elderly neighbor has told me that she walks into a room and forgets what she went in there for so she walks away. As soon as she gets back to the other room she remembers and has to walk back to retrieve it.

Or she says she is cooking and will open the fridge for an ingredient and forget what she needed. Hahaha
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