I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
My dad took me out to practice driving when I was 17. At one point, he told me to stop and get out of the car in the middle of the road.
“Look at the car! Look at the lane! Which one is bigger?”
I said, “The lane?”
“THEN STAY IN IT!”
Mom paid for me to have private lessons after that.
Why do Brunettes and Redheads like to sit around and tell blonde jokes?
What else are they going to do on Saturday nights?
What do Chubby people and Mopeds have in common?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."
The pastor hollered out "GRACE."
The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."
The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."
The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES".
Pass this along to some other old fogey so they can smile today. (I just did)
It got real quiet and the guy says, "I built this house 5 years ago. I've had a vasectomy 7 years ago."
He looked at his wife. She took off running, and the guy took off after her. My friend said that he just quit and packed up knowing he wasn't going to get paid."
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house…………. and left it there all night.
:)
:)
:)
After a minute of them bickering, a large Australian dude (this was in the US) came over, told them they were both idiots, and flipped the 16 year old girl upside down. He gave her a hard whack on the back, food came flying out, and he sat back down and finished his dinner."
- Reddit (?)
Repaint and grin no more....
- Reddit
*If that's on here already, don't throw a rock at me. :) lil
1 I'm using my time at home to deep clean, bond with my family, and take some online classes
2 I just at a whole carrot cake with my fingers...
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management".
"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!!!