Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
I think a new jokes thread would be good, but like you Margaret I do not want filth; there's enough alternate and porno sites around for that. I'm fine with suggestive humor, everyone on this site is (or should be anyway) an adult. I like my humor kinda like my mother always taught the best fitting clothes were "tight enough to know there's a woman in there and loose enough to know she's a lady".

Good luck on working the wording out!
(9)
Report

I don't think a new thread with carefully crafted stipulations is going to keep the people who post questionable comments away, those who troll (and their fans) like to offend and provoke a response.
(6)
Report

Cwillie, I think that the ‘scrolling back’ is a bit overwhelming in view of the size of the site. It might be easier to get the moderators to remove a troll if there were better guidelines. The last guy stood on his dignity about ‘don’t berate anyone for their choice of humour’. One option might be about a requirement for ‘likes’. Admittedly the troll set up several site names and ‘liked’ his own posts (almost no-one else did), but the moderators eventually looked at all the ‘reports’ and seem to have got rid of him until a couple of ‘dwarf’ comments recently. More ideas, please!
(2)
Report

An elderly woman was walking her dog when a young man grabbed her purse and ran off with it. A neighbor who saw the scene quickly asked if she was okay, and she smiled and said that it was no big deal because she always carries her old purse when she walks her dog to put the dog's poop in until she can get home to dispose of it.
(16)
Report

I prefer that this thread keeps going. I don't think a new thread will make any difference.

Agreed we need some humor to help us through this trying time.

The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.

I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.

What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.

Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
(9)
Report

This will be the last corn cob joke ever!

But I will still be returning to this joke thread again and again.

All of our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them.
All of our cats think we got fired for being the losers that they always thought we were.
All of our narcissistic moms thought we were only there to serve their needs.
(5)
Report

Send, you forget the corn cob joke.
(2)
Report

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🌽
(1)
Report

Use toilet paper instead.
(1)
Report

Send, you forgot the corn cob joke, again.
(2)
Report

Please do not read this too quickly.

Well COVID-19 pandemic has finally affected me financially. In order to offset the extra cost for prepared food, electricity, cutting the grass, house repairs and gas prices, I’m needing to make some extra money on the side.
So...

I am now humbled to announce that I am selling Adult toys.

I hope no one is embarrassed to ask for them. I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs. Discretion is guaranteed!!

I am more than willing and able to demonstrate any items for you. Ask for yours anytime.


I have everything listed below.


-Walkers
-wheelchairs
-oxygen tanks
-canes
-disposable diapers
-fixodent
and more!

copy n paste if you have a sense of humor!!!
(13)
Report

Most of these corona comedy jokes need to be followed by rim shots _ Ba Dum, PSHH.
(3)
Report

If you're dancing with your honey and your nose is getting runny don't think it's funny cause it's snot.

I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and red?
Ans: A nun falling down the stairs

Ta Da! My pathetic attempts at humor
(7)
Report

Rejuvenation!

Here’s one suitable for children:

Hickory Dickory Dock,
The mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The others escaped with minor injuries.
(11)
Report

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses around town

The bra manufacturer has gone bust.
The specialist in submersibles has gone under.

The manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.

A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.

The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders.

The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.
The tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road.
The bread Company has run out of dough.

The clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo.

The Chinese restaurant has been taken away.

The shoe shop has had to put their foot down and given their staff the boot.

The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!

The pet shop has gone to the dogs.
The butcher's had the chop.
The veg man is in a vegetative state.

The venetian blind shop has closed, so it's curtains for us all

The wall paper shops taken a pasting.

The florists are now pushing up the daisies.
The fish n chip shop has been battered.

The milkman's lost his bottle and finally,
the bread man's toast.
(13)
Report

But some good news........the funeral homes are doing great. People are dying to go there.

Sorry............that was in very poor taste but I couldn't resist.
(9)
Report

What is 50 attorneys at the bottom of the ocean?















A good start.
(5)
Report

Here's definitive proof that the Earth is round...

If it was flat, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now!
(7)
Report

What's the world going to have about 13 years from now?

Lots of quaranteens.
(7)
Report

Old jokes, the best I can do. Making up new ones is not my forte. I have a bit of an inferiority complex about re-using old ones, but as you can see, it's not a very good one.

AND If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
(3)
Report

I 'm curious if my car keys ever wonder where I am?
(7)
Report

The fact that there is a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
(8)
Report

LN Reason posted this to a different thread. It's worth a wider audience:

My husband who now has dementia/alzheimers depending on which doctor you talk to - went to our family doctor for his 6 month check up. After doing a urine sample the doctor told him "Pull your zipper up, you don't want to bother the ladies in the waiting room." Without hesitation my husband replied "What can't get up - can't get out." I was embarrassed but once I got home and since then it cracks me up. Such honesty and he wasn't be a cad - just open and honest like a child. I still smile when I think of the doctor's response - he didn't say a word.
(5)
Report

Ouch!

Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.
One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”
Anna is very excited and wishes for the trip to Thailand that she’s been dreaming about for years.. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”
“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.
(8)
Report

If a man says he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it.
There's no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
(10)
Report

More groaners:

Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….

What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!

What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.

I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.

You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
(10)
Report

Trouble with the senses:

"Lately, when I close my eyes, I see a bunch of white spots."
"Have you seen an Ophthalmologist?"
"No, just a bunch of white spots."

When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.
The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”
The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”
(8)
Report

I really like this one:

Before you say something harsh about someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. It’s very convenient, because even if you’re really rude, you’re a mile away AND you’ve got their shoes.

And one for dog people:
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
(8)
Report

not a joke but I saw a young woman wearing a T-shirt that read
"Stop staring at my D--k."
Got a good laugh from that
(5)
Report

I saw my hearing aid specialist today. Last month she finished her doctorate of audiology.

When I looked at my appointment card her degree followed her name ___ Au D.

I imagine she felt like she had paid enough to buy an Audi after all of her education to receive an Au D!
(4)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter