I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Good luck on working the wording out!
Agreed we need some humor to help us through this trying time.
The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
But I will still be returning to this joke thread again and again.
All of our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them.
All of our cats think we got fired for being the losers that they always thought we were.
All of our narcissistic moms thought we were only there to serve their needs.
Well COVID-19 pandemic has finally affected me financially. In order to offset the extra cost for prepared food, electricity, cutting the grass, house repairs and gas prices, I’m needing to make some extra money on the side.
So...
I am now humbled to announce that I am selling Adult toys.
I hope no one is embarrassed to ask for them. I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs. Discretion is guaranteed!!
I am more than willing and able to demonstrate any items for you. Ask for yours anytime.
I have everything listed below.
-Walkers
-wheelchairs
-oxygen tanks
-canes
-disposable diapers
-fixodent
and more!
copy n paste if you have a sense of humor!!!
I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white and red?
Ans: A nun falling down the stairs
Ta Da! My pathetic attempts at humor
Here’s one suitable for children:
Hickory Dickory Dock,
The mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
The others escaped with minor injuries.
The bra manufacturer has gone bust.
The specialist in submersibles has gone under.
The manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.
A dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers.
The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders.
The suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.
The tarmac laying company has reached the end of the road.
The bread Company has run out of dough.
The clock manufacturer has had to wind down and gone cuckoo.
The Chinese restaurant has been taken away.
The shoe shop has had to put their foot down and given their staff the boot.
The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners!
The pet shop has gone to the dogs.
The butcher's had the chop.
The veg man is in a vegetative state.
The venetian blind shop has closed, so it's curtains for us all
The wall paper shops taken a pasting.
The florists are now pushing up the daisies.
The fish n chip shop has been battered.
The milkman's lost his bottle and finally,
the bread man's toast.
Sorry............that was in very poor taste but I couldn't resist.
A good start.
If it was flat, cats would have pushed everything off the edge by now!
Lots of quaranteens.
AND If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
My husband who now has dementia/alzheimers depending on which doctor you talk to - went to our family doctor for his 6 month check up. After doing a urine sample the doctor told him "Pull your zipper up, you don't want to bother the ladies in the waiting room." Without hesitation my husband replied "What can't get up - can't get out." I was embarrassed but once I got home and since then it cracks me up. Such honesty and he wasn't be a cad - just open and honest like a child. I still smile when I think of the doctor's response - he didn't say a word.
Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.
One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”
Anna is very excited and wishes for the trip to Thailand that she’s been dreaming about for years.. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.
The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”
“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.
“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.
Poof once more – and he’s 90.
There's no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
"Lately, when I close my eyes, I see a bunch of white spots."
"Have you seen an Ophthalmologist?"
"No, just a bunch of white spots."
When I look at chocolate, I hear two voices in my head.
The first one says: “You need to eat that chocolate.”
The other voice goes: “You heard. Eat the chocolate.”
Before you say something harsh about someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. It’s very convenient, because even if you’re really rude, you’re a mile away AND you’ve got their shoes.
And one for dog people:
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
"Stop staring at my D--k."
Got a good laugh from that
When I looked at my appointment card her degree followed her name ___ Au D.
I imagine she felt like she had paid enough to buy an Audi after all of her education to receive an Au D!