I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
What do you do with a sick chemist?
Well if you can't helium, and you can't curium, you might as well barium.
AND
The accident victim was losing blood rapidly. The paramedics told him that he needed an immediate transfusion, and asked if he knew his blood group. They said that that his chances weren’t good. His last words were, "Be positive."
Me: So how old is the man in the paper?
Dad: 64
Me: And you are how old?
Dad: 66
Me: Does this mean we can officially start calling you an old man now?
Dad: I guess so.
Me: Does this mean you plan on stepping out of the way and letting the younger folks have a chance? No more attending the planning commission meetings and showing the city's young building department people how little they know about historic building structures and methods?
Dad: NO! If they can't take the time to research before publicly offering an stupid recommendation that's their problem.
When there is change in the weather.
:)
Pharmacist asked his assistant what a patient needed. "He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any" said the assistant "so I sold him a bottle of laxatives." The pharmacist says, "You can't treat a cough with a laxative!" "Yes you can" said the assistant "Look at him... he's far too scared to cough."
And one for all of us:
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the blazes happened!
1) People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a good electrician.
2) Sometimes, I just wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my uncle, and not screaming in horror, like the passengers on his bus.
3) When William joined the army he got nervous about the phrase 'fire at will'.
And one from Phyllis Diller: Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Q: If 2020 was a drink, what would it be?
A: Colonoscopy prep.
Bleach!
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
Something here about golden brothers and stainless steel sisters?
She said she would never want to place that burden on me..
I said, honey that's the fifth time you've told me that.
***
Sorry to hear about your dementia...
But do you have that 10 grand you owe me?
Ok, we need humor.... or go insane.... what part did I miss?
"A cure for dementia!"
"When do we want it?"
"Want what?"
***************
They say that you are what you eat...
I don't remember eating a person with dementia
***************
Eleanor Roosevelt
I would say something about up against the wall, but that would be too racy.
Notrydoyoda, you would be censored by the joke police for being racy. But I think that we all get it without it being said.
A taxi driver was having a good old moan to his fare about back seat drivers and how much they annoyed him. The fare says’ Well I’ve been driving for years and I’ve never been annoyed by a back seat driver”. “Don’t believe you. What did you drive?” Answer: “A hearse”.
The deceased’s will was being read aloud to the family after the funeral. It was all very solemn until the lawyer got to ’and to my brother Bruce, who kept saying that I should remember him in my will, G’day Bruce’.
Danger Will Robinson DANGER!
A friend and I are going to buy some glasses.
And after that?
After that we'll see....
Teacher asks ‘If you have ten lollies and your sister asks you for four, how many do you have left?’
Prompt answer: Ten.
A four year old was drawing one of those pencil pictures that end up on the fridge door. The kindergarten teacher asked what it was. Little girl says ‘God’. Teacher says ‘But no-one knows what God looks like’. Little girl says crossly ‘They will when I’ve finished’.
"It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen". Mamie van Doren
A group of bikies were having a snack in a motoway cafe, when they started taking the mickey out of a short bloke having a coffee. He got up quietly and left. The bikies laughed as he walked out, and shouted “Not much of a he-man, you might say”. The girl behind the counter said a couple of minutes later “Not much of a driver either. He’s just backed his semi-trailer over eight motor bikes".
“I finally got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. However it was a rocky road.”
If people are talking behind your back, just fart.
Question: What's the difference between popcorn and pea soup?
Answer: Anyone can pop corn.
Then I realized, if that really were Jimmy Peterson, he'd have grown up too...
I heard the government is putting chips inside of people....
I hope I get doritos.
We're going to have to stop using the expression "avoid it like the plague", because it turns out people do not really do that
Covid is starting to feel like the check engine light - at first it freaks you out but after a while you're like "meh, I gotta get to work"