I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
The three hardest things to say...
1. I was wrong.
2. I need help.
3. Worcestershire sauce
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, a non-romantic, replied: "I am in the bathroom. Please advise."
I went line dancing last night. Well, it was a roadside sobriety test...same thing.
I asked my grandpa, "After 65 years, you still call Grandma darling, beautiful, and honey. What's the secret?"
He said, "I forgot her name five years ago and I'm scared to ask her."
What's the difference between in-laws and out-laws?
Out-laws are wanted!
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”
The man answers, “Now the problems start!”
But I laugh more.
The news is so dreadful that we all need a smile. Here are some uplifting thoughts to make us all feel just so much better:
Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
A Sunday school teacher is discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment 'Honour thy father and thy mother,' she asks, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
One boy immediately answers 'Thou shall not kill.'
Two boys were walking home on Sunday after hearing a good old fashioned Hellfire sermon. One says to the other, 'What do you think about this Satan stuff?'
The reply? 'Well, you know how Father Christmas turned out. It's probably just your Dad dressed up.'
"Due to the Stay-at-home order, I finished 3 books yesterday,
and believe me, that's a lot of coloring."
Love it! And also the excuse on another thread "Sorry, I have to wash the cat".
If so, you may be entitled to condensation.
Q: What do you have in common with your husband?
A: We were both married on the same day.
I should have realised - Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel.
This gives so many people hope!
This gives so many people hope.
-“No father, she gossips too much.”
“How about Lady Elizabeth of Kent?”
-“No father, she plays cards too much.”
”Well, who then?”
-“Father... the gardener has such a handsome son...”
”Harry! He’s Roman Catholic!”
A broken condom is eighteen.
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up, you’re on the job.
And:
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Business is so bad, even the shoplifters have stopped coming.
Oscar Wilde: It’s better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Two of the town’s manufacturers met. ‘Trade’s bad’ said one. ‘I heard that your factory burned down today’. ‘Sssh’ said the other ‘It’s tomorrow.’
Before you argue with the boss, take a look at both sides – his side and outside.
Business is so quiet you can hear the overheads piling up.
The Peter Principal: In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Laurence J. Peters
Parkinson’s Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
C. Northcote Parkinson
The volume of paper expands to fit the size of the briefcase. Jerry Brown
More to come when I get back from trip to town!
I woke up exhausted this morning.
I dreamed I was a muffler.
No, NO, not the paper, the toilet paper jokes!
1) Add some M & M's inside and snack on the go.
2) Wear your mask to bed, and just slip it up over your eyes and use it as a sleep mask to block out the light, sleep better.
You got anything?
Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
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