I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
We had to wipe our butts on the lawn.
In the snow.
Uphill.
Both ways.
While fighting off murder hornets.
'My Dear Hubby told me he always thought it stood for D*#k Head 😜. He asked to be represented instead as HOM (hot older male). I suggested HOG (hot older gentleman) but in my head was Hairy Old Guy. '
Not my own DH - he's bald!
By the time grandchildren get to that age murder hornets will be extinct and there will be execution wasps. They'll have little guillotine stingers. Oh the joy!😰
Q: What starts with an E and ends with an E, but has only one letter in it?
A: An envelope. Groan!
However this morning found a great ‘Aussie Bloke’ postcard message for our local wine district:
‘Having a wonderful wine, wish you were beer’
The girl leans over the counter and says.."Burrrrrgerrrrrr, Kiiiiing".
"Covid testing in the rear."
I got pulled over in the HOV lane for driving alone. I said that due to social distancing, my passenger was in the car behind me.
So in retrospect, in 2015, not single person got the answer right to "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"
Everything for summer has been cancelled...Let's just put up the Christmas tree and call it a year!!!
She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is looking at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over and apologies. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology and I am studying how people respond to embarrassing situations".
To which he responds at the top of his lungs..."What do you mean $200?"
"Oh, dear, the mother sighs. "What happened honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes then double billed the insurance company"
The defendant answered: my name is Joshua your honor.
The judge asked: Are you the Joshua that made the sun stand still?
Defendant answered: No sir! I am the one that made the moonshine.
Plain and simply stated: "Being of sound mind and disposing memory, we spent it all!"
All of my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
"Tomorrow" his wife angrily told him, "there better be something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in two seconds!"
Next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package on the driveway. She brought it inside, opened it...and found a brand new ...bathroom scale....
Funeral services have been set for her husband for Saturday.
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20.00 bill. The hot dog vendor puts it in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.
"Where's my change?" the Zen Master asks.
The vendor responds...."Change must come from within"
Lawyer: “Now then Officer Smith, would you say that you trust your fellow officers?”
Officer Smith: “Yes sir absolutely, I trust them with my life.”
Lawyer: “I see. Now tell me, do you have a communal locker room at your station?”
Officer Smith: “We do…”
Lawyer: “And do you have locks on those lockers?”
Officer Smith: “Yes”
(Lawyer grins, smugly turns to face the jury and pulls on his lapels)
Lawyer: “But I don’t understand Officer Smith, if you trust your fellow officers why do you need locks? Isn't it a bit strange that you say you would trust someone with your life but not your wallet?”
Officer Smith: “Ah well you see sir, we share our building with a courtroom and occasionally lawyers have been known to walk through there…”