I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
When, I was in my senior year of high school my dark copper red hair was long over my ears, almost in my face and a bit down my neck with all of its natural waves and curls.
Now, at 63, like my dad's hair, mine has turned snow white. After all of these months, my hair with curls and waves is back down over each ear, not as much on my forehead as before and down my next some like before. One friend said that my hair looked as long on Facebook as a painting he saw once of John Wesley who had long hair.
I didn't have a beard back in high school, but I do now. It too has grown nice a long and thick. I do take a supplement, Biotin to help my hair grow.
All in all several have said that I look like I'm ready to play Santa Clause. However, I am working on loosing my belly and my wife is working with me also to loose weight on the same diet I was at first on by myself. So, whatever your hair looks like, have a good day and an early Merry Christmas!
A few days ago I gave her her lunch. She looked up, and asked: "What the hell is THIS?"
"Chicken-pot pie, mom; without the pot," I replied.
"Why?" she wanted to know, "Isn't pot legal now?"
A Scottish Presbyterian Elder was visiting an old lady parishioner in the Higlands in a howling gale. She asked if he would like a glass of lemonade. He replied ‘This is not an occasion for lemonade’. She said ‘A glass of wine?’. Reply ‘Not an occasion for wine either’. Next ‘Well would you like a whisky and water”. Reply ‘It is not an occasion for water’.
The report said that sharks also have this second set of nano-antibodies, but are ‘more difficult to work with’. I laughed til my Jaws ached!
Injecting sharks? Not so much!
Anyone else have a solution? Like banging a pot lid with a wooden spoon?
Answering with, "Caller! you're on the air, what's your name?" This one works well.
I would love to hear what works for you.
MM, what is the longest time that someone sat on hold?
Seriously the Red Cross made my DH anemic by donating blood 6x in one year. They kept calling and calling and calling and finally I had to come up with proverbial lie.
I do not have my ducks in a row.
I have squirrels and they're at a rave.
A visiting priest offered to assist hearing confessions, but requested that people write them down as he was a little hard of hearing and people often whispered in the confessional. This worked well until one woman handed him a slip saying “ ½ lb tea, ½ lb butter, 2 lb sugar, 1lb cheese’.
She was mortified about the list of sins she had left with the grocer.
"Mom," I say, "it's not even tomorrow yet; it's practically still YESTERDAY."
"Oh," she responds, "where did TODAY go?"
Tell your Mom, that you cannot play Monopoly because you don't have a 'get out of jail free' card.
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the woman gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde's car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's Winter in Iowa and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
"For what, mom?" I asked. "To decorate the tree with?"
"Yeah, why not?" she returned.
"Because by donating them, mom, they've already helped foot the bill."
You are never gonna get out of jail free card if you are selling off your Mom's amputated body parts.
She answered, "Can you get me another ballot? Didn't we ELECT an absentee the LAST time?"