I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Pessimist: "the glass in half empty"
2020: "that's pee isn't it?..."
Pessimist: "the glass in half empty"
Realist: Gets a smaller glass to hold the water that the Pessimist has to change their perspective.
"The Brazilian president, Jair Bolsonaro, was out politicking in the regions, kissing babies and so on. He stooped down to lift up a small child.
"Bad move. It was not a small child. It was a querulous dwarf. Bolsonaro kind of dropped him quite rapidly and moved away with a 'this-didn't-happen' look on his face.
"What kind of president do we have who can't tell a child from a dwarf, some of the attendees asked, presumably rhetorically. Bolsonaro supporters argued that it was hard to tell when everyone's wearing facemasks.
"Expect the easily confused president to issue a new edict demanding that all dwarves must have 'dwarf' stamped on their foreheads in indelible ink."
Optimist: "the glass is half full"
Pessimist: "the glass in half empty"
Realist: “the glass is empty, please pass the bottle”
Bartender says...
That'll be $20.20
Open the bottle and allow it to breathe.
If it doesn’t seem to be breathing, give it mouth to mouth.
Drink 5 glasses of milk and try to move a wall. Can’t?
Drink 5 glasses of wine and the wall moves by itself.
"Mom," I explained, "we don't even have a pool."
"Does our pastor neighbor's SWING count?" she countered.
‘The Local Council have agreed to our request to change the name of the cul-de-sac where our new aged care site will be erected. They agreed to our submission that ‘St Peter’s Close’ could be misinterpreted.’
If it tries to eat us, serve it with red. If it runs away from us, serve it with white.
It is a salt with a deadly weapon. :)
I asked him "what's the word on the street?"
The SATISFACTORY.
to which the doctor replies:
"Sorry, I don't follow you..."
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats
Oooh - that sounds painful!
What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I'll go on a head.
What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
Here is my last one from the 'wine' collection:
Every time I say the dirty word exercise,
I have to wash my mouth out with red wine and chocolate.
Glad your DH thought the "hat" joke was funny - so did I!
As far as him thinking the church chuckles are better - that is just another example of how we all like different things like foods, music, movies... and jokes.
Just like the old saying goes "different strokes for different folks!"
How do you keep a bagel from getting away? (besides me eating it :))
Put "lox" on it.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
THANKS - I'll never part with it!
Bison
The space bar.
"Why the big pause" asks the bartender.
The bear shrugs.
"I'm not sure; I was born with them."