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Thank you for making me laugh!
Cwillie I really like your test for covid. I have copied it and sent it to some friends. :-))
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Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving of their own accord from where you left them to a place of their own choosing.
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A glass half full may be a positive thing.
But please remember the other half is 100% empty!
🤔
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Several people on the forum have lost loved ones this week, so wanted to just be silly for a moment.


What do you get from a pampered cow?


Spoiled milk.


(if it smells funny, don't drink it!)
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H and W were arguing yet again. “Okay, Okay” she admitted at last, “so I enjoy spending money. But name one other extravagance!”
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Primary school has a local clergy member visit for one lesson each week. This week’s visitor says there’s a small money prize for the kid who can name the most important person in the Bible. Hand shoots up. ‘Jesus’. ‘Well done, prizewinner’. After the visitor leaves, teacher says ‘I was surprised by your answer, seeing that you’re Jewish’. Eight year old says ‘Well of course I thought Moses. But Hey! Like my Dad says, business is business’.
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H and W were arguing yet again. “Okay, Okay” she admitted at last, “so I enjoy spending money. But name one other extravagance.”
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Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Cowboy wisdom
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An old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10 please".
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”

The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She leaned down and respectfully told her, "you have $300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?"
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $3000
"Well, please let me have $3000 now", she said. The teller then handed it over very friendly and respectfully to her.

The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.
the moral of this tale .......

Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
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Love it, cwillie.
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cwille,

Fantastic! Loved it.
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cwillie: Good one!
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I went to see an audiologist for some new hearing aids. She had just graduated. So, I noticed on her card after her name were the letters Au.D. Doctor of Audiology.

I told her yesterday on the phone something funny that I had created from her degree. I told her that I could see her wanting to buy a car made by Audi with the money earned by her Au.D. She liked that and had not heard that one before.

Well, the salary range for someone like her is anywhere from $60,000 to $200,000 per year and she's just started. We do have an Audi dealership here in town.
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I waited all night to see where the sun would rise -


Then it dawned on me.


(I guess that means I have to start my day now)
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Came out of the grocery store and brother mother and niece in van, I put my hands up like a moose ear thinking it was my brother while saying nana nana, but it was not my van and not my brother, the man in his van looked at me and probably thought I was completely nuts. I was embarrassed.
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EB,

It happens!
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"earlybird,"

You made me smile and laugh - I bet you were cute even if you were embarrassed! :)
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I was in the grocery store and I saw my dear friend bent over a meat case.

Thinking that I would be funny, I kicked her square in the bum.

Boy was I shocked when a complete stranger stood up, well, kinda jumped up.

She was so understanding when I explained that I believed her to be my friend.

We both had a good laugh and a funny story to tell for the rest of our lives☺

So, I had a good laugh at your adventure earlybird. I think I would have made funny faces back at ya.
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How many people people walk off in a store to get something and not tell their partner? Hahaha. I do it all of the time.

My husband gets embarrassed when he calls the stranger next to him ‘honey.’ Then he looks up and sees it’s not me!

My husband has done the same to me though and I caught myself talking to a complete stranger about what I was going to cook for dinner. He asked me what time should he arrive? I had to tell him that I thought he was my husband. Too funny!

I’ve heard about these stories where people meet others in a grocery. I believe it!
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"Isthisrealyreal,"

That is too funny - you're lucky that woman had a good sense of humor especially in this day and age - she could have turned around and "kicked some butt!"
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Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed...... 

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."  
  
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed...... 
  
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again...... 

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
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Earlybird: I hear ya on mistaking a van for your's. Once my brother, who is an attorney, almost entered a vehicle that was sitting beside my daughter's vehicle. His daughter, my daughter and I watched in amusement as we were all waiting for him.
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"97yroldmom,"

Oh, so that's what life is all about - thank you for that - I've been wondering for the last 58 years!

That was good!! :)
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Don't know if someone told me or I read that a man dropped his takeaway lunch bag into the partially open window of his car, then tried to open his car. But not his car.
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😂🌭😂🍟😂
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My husband had a picture of me that was always on his dresser. I was about 20 in the picture. I am 75 now. He took it to VN with him. So he had it a long time. One day as his Alzheimers progressed he pointed to the picture and said "Where is my daughter?" I said "Honey, that's me, your wife" He looked at the picture and looked back at me and said "What happened?" True story. We both had a laugh.
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Sondra,

Too funny!

One time a neighbor child did that to my mom. She had a photo of herself when she was young on the wall. The little girls asked mom, “Who is that?” Mom said, “That’s me.” The kid asked her the same thing, “What happened to you?” Mom replied, “I got old!” LOL
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"SondraO,"

That is too cute - I'm so glad you were able to laugh with him about it! :)
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Let the silliness begin!


What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?


A chew-chew train.
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NGI, this happened years ago. It taught me to never kick anyone in the....store😉

However, I was leaving my office one day and my husband was bent over digging through a tool box. I came back, roughly an hour later, and he was still digging around in the toolbox. Well, I can not resist a dairyaire just sticking out there, so I give him a solid slap. Oh my, my new secretary thought we were an awful tight company, it was our foreman. He dressed exactly like my husband. We were both utterly shocked, we still laugh about that "mistake".
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