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"Isthisrealyreal,"

I can see it happening once, but twice??? That's hilarious - I'll be laughing at that one for awhile!
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You would think that I would learn to keep my hands to myself.

I just can't let an opportunity pass for a good practical joke or a good goosing. Maybe someday, yeah maybe not.
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"Isthisrealyreal,"

Yes, I would think you would have learned after the first time you did it but, I didn't want to say anything. :) But, since you said it...


"Maybe someday, yeah maybe not" - LOL!!
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Why do bees have sticky hair?


Because they use honeycombs.
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From travel brochure: You see before you a virgin landscape, a place where the hand of Man has never set foot.
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This is kind of funny, a bit embarrassing and sort of careless too...

Last visit to my doctor she had the nurse give me the kit used to do my ‘at home’ colon cancer test. So easy, I did one last year. Get a sample, then mail it off! Done!

Okay, my next visit is in November. My doctor is a sticker about being up to date on tests which is great because otherwise I tend to procrastinate.

Due to hubby’s recent cancer diagnosis I want to be more vigilant in taking responsibility for myself.

Well, I put the test away to do it at a later time and can’t find it! LOL. Have you ever put something away ‘in a safe place’ and hid it from yourself?

I will continue to look. If I can’t find it will they readily give me a new one or will they be laughing about it? Hahaha 😂.

At least I misplaced it before having the sample in it ready to be mailed.

I feel like an idiot!!! 🤣
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The exact place for ALL colon test kits is lost in many various places throughout the house! Think about it. Mailing a sample of feces through the mail is a biohazard! The USPS should make it a law! Oh, wait, it is already a law.

Still thinking about it....The package gets damaged in transit....and your 'sample' has your name on it, and your dna....now that is embarrassing!
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Send,

YES!

I think the reason those test came out was because of wimps like me not wanting to to the standard colonoscopy! LOL
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Why aren't koalas actual bears?


They don't meet the koalafications.
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Yes, it's early for jokes but between the news and the forum...ladies may appreciate this one - a male's perspective .


I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high


She looked at me surprised.
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The nurses out there may like this one -


Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?


In case she needed to draw blood.


(that's the way I want my blood drawn!)
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I was at the drive through at my local bank on a busy Friday afternoon. It’s a typical drive through. Four lanes. Three with tellers. One outside lane with the ATM. That’s usually the slowest moving. The ATM lane. 

Couldn’t help but notice over in the ATM lane, this beautiful baby blue convertible with an equally beautiful  woman in the drivers seat. She was busy applying makeup as she waited for her turn. She was doing a full job. Had a case with a mirror and was basically ignoring the fact that the car in front of her had moved up. A guy in a new red van (still had the paper plates} had pulled up behind her. He started honking his horn. Making large gestures for her to move along. She could see him in the mirror but kept right on with the mascara. Of course, we all heard the horn so we could now stare openly at the makeup application. She didn’t seem to be budging. 

Finally the ATM lane is clearing. Just as she is finishing a spritz of perfume,  the guy in the van, who apparently is not a convertible fan, whips around her and pulls into the opening space in the ATM lane. 

She is, of course, now ready to pull up .... but he has cut the line. It was like she knew exactly how long it would take for that last customer to pull away. 

But she seems to be nonplussed. 

She gets out of the convertible ( I’m glad I saw that part) goes to the trunk, puts her makeup case inside and takes out a large black spray can. 

Hairspray now, I’m thinking. 

Nope. 

She walks to the front of the van while the guy is doing his banking but making sure he can see her, she sprays the bright red van with black spray paint! OMG! What next?

My lane had started to move and I slowly moved forward not wanting to miss whatever was coming.

But It was Friday. the teller for my lane wanted me to move along. My banking was done, I had to pull away. When I looked back I saw that the guy had gotten out of his van, had his arm raised and the woman was holding onto his radio aerial. 

Was he going to hit her?! 

As I turned the corner I saw the aerial come off in her hand. 

A crowd was forming and I can tell you no banking was being done.

I heard a siren. Not wanting to get snarled in traffic, I  reluctantly drove home. 

The next morning my wife handed me the newspaper and said this must be a story about that scene at the bank.

I couldn’t believe it!

There was a picture of the woman and you know, her makeup still looked pretty good for all she had been through. 

And then I noticed the real shocker.... the headline ... which read ....

“ Local man dies ....  of van aerial disease. “
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97's drive-in experience sounds absolutely awful. Did no-one get out of their cars to stop the woman using the paint spray can? Did no-one call the police - damaging property is clearly an offense! I'm not sure what the local paper headline meant (they often value puns more than information these days), but I am appalled even without the suggestion of a death for the victim! Not my idea of a joke!
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Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?


They each got six months.


(hopefully they didn't steal a 2020 calendar - it wasn't worth getting six months for it!)
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Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?


Because it was cultured.


(if it was peach yogurt, I'll go too!)
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It's party time ---


How do you throw a space party?


You planet.
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Our computers start up in the morning with a thought-provoking comment. Here are this mornings:

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes by the square of the number of participants.


If God intended us to fly, he’d make it easier to get to the airport.
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May your coffee, pelvic floor, intuition and self-appreciation be strong
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Racoon as super spreader.
Nobody is going to get this joke.
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How can you tell that a blonde has been using your computer?












There is white out on the screen.
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Where did all the blonde jokes come from?














Brunettes sitting at home on Saturday night with nothing better to do.
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What did the cop say to his belly button?



You're under a vest.
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"I Run A Tight Shipwreck"
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Death does make you closer to God
because now you don't exist either.
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Shame sendhelp
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Yeah, I should be. Just passing on published jokes from online.
🤣🙃😓🍌🙊🙉🙈
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Dealing with an Elderly Parent's Bad Behavior - AgingCare.com
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I know you were just being "Ironic" Send. No harm done!
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Yes! Gershun.
And this too:

paradoxical

incongruous

odd

strange

weird

peculiar
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My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 this morning.
Can you believe that - 2.30 in the morning?!!!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes
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