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"Isthisrealyreal,"

That's ok, it's easy to do even if you do keep reading it over and over - our eyes start to play tricks on us especially before that first cup of "java."

I've done that with so many regular comments on threads - the EDIT button has become my friend. Even then, I've had to go back many, many times! Geez, I just had to use it on this post after I've been gone awhile!! I'll blame it on my lousy instant, decaf coffee!! Husband is bringing back the "real" thing (not coke, caffeinated coffee).

I still understood what you were trying to say! :)
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The subject of the "critics" reminds me of one of my Dad's favorites:
Two grandmothers at the playpark, sitting together and discussing life. And one says to the other "Look. Look at that boy over there. Did you ever see such ears on a kid. Those are HUGE ears. Oh, and by the way, that nose; what a nose on that child." A few moments pass and she says "Oh, and those knees, so bowed. And the feet; we used to call those pigeon toed".
Finally the other grandmother turns to her and says -- yes, you got it --"But that's my GRANDSON you are talking about".
And without a pause the first critical one says "But WAIT. You never let me FINISH! I was only going to say that............On HIMMMMMM it all looks GOOD!"
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To "EXPLAIN" to my critics below:

Joke #1 was posted a long time ago by Polar Bear. (Priest in the closet).

Joke # 2 & #3 were posted by BuzzyBee and liked by e v e r y o n e, so much.

Joke # 5 was posted by Margaret McKen and proves that politics and religion discussions stand the test of time, are not banned on the forum.

Not my jokes, but did you all "like" them?
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Ha, I don't know WHOSE jokes I liked or didn't like, or even remember them much, but I know I like YOU, SendHelp. Hee hee.
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I talk to my Tulip Tree Send and tell it I can't believe how big it's gotten all the time and
Iv'e hugged it too,thanking it for all the fun it gave me growing up.It never answers back,but I still talk to it anyway.It's my favorite~
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Thank you AlvaDeer and Luckylu!

Should I make a joke now?

Love you all!
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I’ve no idea what ‘my’ joke number 5 was. However if you go back a couple of months, the joke book I was using was called ‘Church Chuckles’, which was genuinely about funny things that have happened in Christian churches, collected by an organist who traveled around a bit and collected jokes from Parish newsletters etc. Then I bought a book of Jewish jokes. I did find that these got more ‘likes’ if I made them a bit less Jewish. Anyway here’s one I haven’t used yet:

A traveler some years ago has trouble with his watch (probably before batteries), finds a shop in the small town street with a window display of clocks and watches, goes in and asks the shopkeeper if he can fix the watch. The guy says no, he doesn’t deal with watches or clocks. Traveler is a bit piqued, and asks why the window display, then? Answer ‘I like clocks’. Traveler ‘Why not advertise what you actually do?’. Shopkeeper ‘I circumcise all the boy babies for the district. What do YOU think I should put in the window?’.
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I like the comments about talking to the trees. It reminds me of recent comments from one of our rich and famous persons who said how pretty the forests are overseas because "they rake their forests".
When I was a kid we actually had to puts rocks in wheel barrels to move them to another area of the front yard. I can't imagine the rich and famous taking a rake to their own yards, much less the wilderness out West.

I like tulip trees too. Never knew they existed until I moved to to my current state of residence.
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I miss the two trees that were in front of where I used to live. I considered them friends. Call me weird......I don't care.🏡
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Gershun,

I had to have a huge dead tree removed recently. I couldn’t take the chance of it falling on the neighbor’s house to cause damage during a hurricane.

We do miss trees. Isn’t it interesting how trees bloom their hearts out the season before dying. It’s their last hurrah! They rally too.

Cost me $1700 to remove that tree! I called several tree removal companies and that was the going rate.
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!" The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue.
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What did all the little talking logs say?
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I've had clients so old they remember Judas skipping out on his share of the bill at the Last Supper.

There I've managed to make a joke that is offensive to both elderly and religious folks.
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For anyone who loves TREES do read The Overstory by Richard Powers. I think one of the GREAT books of recent times.
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Gershun, my trees are also my friends, as are my evergreen shrubs!  One of my arborvitaes has been producing so many little cone seeds that I'll be able to make dozens of wreaths from them, and also start little arborvitae next year.    I too love trees!

Alva, I've just skimmed through a synopsis of Powers' Overstory and added it to my book list.    Barnes & Noble, here I come!
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The doctor asks his friends, "What would you like people to say when you're in your casket?" One friend says, "I'd like them to say I was a fine family man." Another says, "I'd like them to say I helped people." A third responds, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! I think he's moving!' "
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Trees are our friends.
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One tree says to the other tree:
"Look, they are bringing in the rakes!"
The other tree says,
"What are we gonna do now for nutients, drink bleach?"



I swear, not a political joke.
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An overheard conversation....

Q - How did you know that she was the woman you should marry?

A - When I asked her for a screwdriver and she answered "Philips, flat head or vodka" I knew she was the one!
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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"



Because every play has a cast.
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NobodyGetsIt, you have the best "dad" jokes ever!!
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"notgoodenough,"

Thank you for the vote of confidence with my joke postings - glad you like them! Most the time I just like to post them when I feel either in a funk, in a silly mood after a long day or after reading a lot of serious, sad stories on the forum.
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Why did the frog take the bus to work today?



Because his car got toad away.



(I hope he got to work on time!)
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Why did the pine tree get in trouble?
Because it was being knotty.
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Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con...

Okay now you say,
"Control freak who?"
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For any classical music lovers out there:


A sign at a music shop:


"Gone chopin.
Bach in a minuet."
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Anyone like delving into genetics?


What did the DNA say to the other DNA?


Do these genes make me look fat?


( just don't ever ask your husband that question!)
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What was Beethoven's favorite fruit?





Ba - na- na- naaaaaaaaa!
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Here's a riddle for a change of pace -


Why is an island like the letter "T"?




They're both in the middle of water!
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I read the jokes to DH and usually get a laugh, but he reckoned this last one was really scraping the bottom of the barrel. A wet barrel of course...
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