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Nobody - I hope they wrote a Liszt.
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"Countrymouse,"

That was a fantastic and clever addition to the joke - my husband and I both got a kick out of it!!! :)
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"MargaretMcKen,"

You can refer back to my reply on August 31st (page 8) regarding my joke posts! :)
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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to 100. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
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Hi! I wasn't criticising your taste in jokes, just sharing DH's little groan! I'm always grateful to you.
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What do they teach elves in elementary school?

The elf-abet.

What did one earthquake say to the other?

"It's not my fault!"

What did one volcano say to the other?

"I lava you."
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Anyone else feel that Halloween is unnecessary this year. I have been wearing a mask and eating candy for seven months now.
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Stay home. Practice social distancing. Clean yourself often. On no! We're all becoming cats!
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As seen on a sweatshirt:

Don't tick off old people!

The older we get
The less "Life Imprisonment"
Is a deterrent!
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Isthisrealyreal...
Not just that the "Life Imprisonment" is not a deterrent think of the advantages.
You don't have to shop for clothes
"free" healthcare
No bills, gas, electric, mortgage....
You don't have to cook or clean
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Grandma, that should be the back of the shirt.

You can continue your education, not to mention the hobbies and crafts that you can do.
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Am I the only one worried about all the AI being advertised?

I mean who really wants AI to be in every aspect of our lives?

Oh, wait my generation knows AI as Artificial Insemination not Artificial intelligence. Oops! Whew! I was getting worried.

What's with all the changing acronyms, getting old is hard enough.
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The Lord wants you to be a spiritual fruit, not a religious nut.
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In honor of Sean Connery: I once heard it said by someone poolside "I have to jump out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini".
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Caregivers are not going to like having to relive that hour we just gained,
making the work day 25/7.

And thanks to the full moon effect, it has become apparent just how little understanding one has about the change in time.

You don't understand it either? Click "like" to agree.
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Gaining another hour in 2020 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono greatest hits CD.
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metoo,

Hahaha, too funny! I was a huge Beatles fan. I also loved them individually. Adored, John but wasn’t a fan of Yoko.

She did inspire John to write good music though. He loved her. Guess that’s what matters the most.

Beatles came to my city, New Orleans when I was nine years old. I begged my parents to go. Tickets were only $4.00. Mom said she didn’t want to be around all the screaming girls. I told her that I wanted to be one of those screaming girls! Hahaha

They played at City Park but I missed it. 🙁 My parents wouldn’t bring me.
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Day of the time change instructions:
Smartphone: Do nothing, it's magic.
Car: Wait six months, it'll be right again.
Microwave: Obtain a degree in electrical engineering.
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Not a joke, but funny for me anyway. A post from a brilliant poster about sitting on a bench in NY in 40 degree temperature. I think ‘WHAT? Surely it’s cooled down by now in NY. The forecast for today here is only 39 degrees’. Duh! It’s not just early summer here, the temperature is in Centigrade. I’ve managed to change to US spelling most of the time, but I still get caught sometimes.
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I thought it was hilarious today when I dropped the car off for an oil change and a man began his sentence to me saying, "son." I am at least 20 years older than him with white hair and he calls me son? That was very funny to me.
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Margaret: You do well with metric vs. standard measurements.
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Thanks Lamalover. I find the old non-metric measurements really nice, and I remember them well. An inch – the length of the average bent finger joint. A foot – a man’s foot (size 12 boot). A cubit (I read the Bible a lot) – finger tip to elbow. A yard – finger tip to nose. My mother who lived in Germany after WWII said finger tip to nose turned sideways was a metre. I understand miles, but I’m now comfortable with kilometres. I can also do pounds as well as kilos, and pints as well as litres. People here (including me) always give their weight in kilos (60kg), but their height still in feet and inches (5'8"). You know when the police really really want to find an escapee, because they give their height in feet and inches as well as metric. It’s all about what you can ‘think’ in.

I read a lot of US books about house design and eco-whatsit, which keeps me up to date on non-metric. My daughters don’t have a clue – I remember one of them asking how deep the water off the end of a jetty, me saying ‘about 12 feet’, her saying ‘what does that mean’. So sad! I’ve forgotten the niceties of Fahrenheit temperature, except that I was one of the kids who did a year 10 chemistry exam in a motor pavilion on a day of 110F, probably more under the iron roof. Kids kept falling sideways fainting. And now I do oven temperatures in Centigrade, too.

My DH is ambidextrous, which ought to encourage me. But in fact it reminds me of someone who told me about bus timetables: ‘They do it to amuse’.

Paul, how do you measure?
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Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them."
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But I didn't!"
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
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Margaret: You're very welcome. My aunt who died an early death from colon cancer (and was an RN) was also ambidextrous.
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My second grade teacher was ambidextrous. She wore beautiful charm bracelets that jingled as she wrote on the chalk board. I was fascinated that she could write with both hands.

Most of my teachers were nuns. I only had a couple of teachers that weren’t nuns. I had very strict teachers.
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Why aren't koala bears actual bears?
Answer: Because they don't meet the koalafications!

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
Answer: A tuba toothpaste!


Why is England the wettest country?
Answer: Because the queen has reigned there for years

Today is "selection" day for our president, so I thought I'd send in a few more cute ones. We all need to smile, giggle and laugh a bit more.
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Why did the koala fall out of the tree?







It was dead.
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Worst joke ever 😂 I know, but I just had to when I read that other koala one... Soz
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Beatty, I’m deeply shocked by the depths you can take koala jokes! I chucked out ‘Awful Jokes for Aussie Kids’ for less than this! And koalas are heavy chunky things with claws, I wouldn’t like one falling on me, but better dead than alive.
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My late aunt started a letter with her right hand and finished with her left. Sad fact was that she never got a colonoscopy, which could have saved her life.

My DH one time hurt his dominant hand and was able to switch to alternative hand ten pin bowling successfully!
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