I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
Getting up in the morning is simply a question of mind over mattress.
stay away from negative people
Resolutions from 2020...
stay away from positive people
The bus that left the stop just before you got there was your bus.
Any bus that can be the wrong bus, will be the wrong bus – all others are out of service or are full.
All buses heading in the opposite direction, drive off the face of the earth and never return.
A cold is both positive and negative – sometimes the eyes have it and sometimes the nose.
And an almost-politics joke:
In an argument, the best weapon to hold is the tongue.
The hand that lifts the glass should not be used to change gears.
All motor cars need chokes to stop the back seat drivers.
Perhaps still up to date:
For some drivers, the best safety device is a rear vision mirror with a policeman in it.
Everyone in attendance wanted to know what the T.V.'s were for.
The pastor announced, that he could see the front doors of the church. If the police came, he told everyone to grab a T.V., and as they were leaving, to say they were just looting.
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
Stick with me and we'll go places!
(wait a minute - does anyone even remember what cards and stamps are)?
I think that the world would be a better place if everyone took the time to put a love note in the mail to family and friends.
I inherited a trunk full of stamps and thought to donate them for a youth program, yikes, they don't exist in my community. No wonder communication is so minimal, two entirely different realities, or maybe 3 or 4.
I still send cards whether it's for birthdays, anniversaries, get well wishes or holidays along with personalized handwritten notes in all of them and use the stickers that a lot of organizations send in their mailings. Just like you said, I think people feel special when they open their mailbox and find a little something in it just for them. When I was young, I loved going to the mailbox to see what was in it wondering if "today" was the day there'd be a letter or card in it!
It is definitely a lost art -
I bet that took you by surprise when you discovered there was nowhere to donate your trunk full of inherited stamps and probably had to just throw them away.
We went through and organized them, my spouse and a couple we are friends with spent about 2 weeks going through everything with a valuable stamp book from the library. The most valuable thing about it was the great 2 weeks we all had.
I figure that it is easy enough to store them now that they are organized that maybe at some point things will change and there will be a group that wants them.
I am thinking that right about now how parents wish that their kids had hobbies that entertained them and their time.
At least you and your spouse along with some friends had a good time putting them all in books if nothing else!
Like you said, they are all organized now if there should ever come a day when they make a comeback.
You're right - I never thought about how kids would be spending their time during the pandemic. Hobbies may be non-existent and they are driving their parents crazy!
My biggest concern will be what to wear from the bedroom to the living room for Christmas Day.
I might not go. 🤔
I am dressing up for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I have not worn makeup it seems for ages perhaps a little makeup might be nice.
Rude -olph.
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!
Makeup would be nice.
I was fixing myself up in preparation for the holidays, and used a new face moisturizer.
It caused a bad reaction, leaving a burning "butterfly" rash on my cheeks mostly. It looks like the rash described when someone has Lupus. I don't have a diagnosis of Lupus.
Last time I did wear makeup, my eyes burned and I could not see straight.
Still, I might not go....
You're muted.
Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them."
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But I didn't!"
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
Happy New Year to Margaret McKen!
It was full on the 29th, what is it doing still full?
Do ya think it is stuck that way?
Maybe going to be full all of 2021? 🌑🌕🌑🌚🌝🌛
Nothing would surprise me!
"What is life?!!!!!"
"What is death?!!!!"
"What is game over?!!!!"
All shouted at the top of his lungs. Ah, at least I appreciate dark humor along the way.
Business is so bad that even the shop-lifters have stopped coming.
The human race is faced with a cruel choice – work or day-time television.
This shop is so quiet you can hear the overheads piling up.
And for some people: The office is a great social center, but it’s no place to get any work done.
'Cause they're really good at it.
Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley -
They were both assaulted.
(P.S. this was not meant to be offensive in light of what happened at our nation's Capitol - I was actually thinking about the "salt").
Edit:
I don't no, but I think that "Right" is spelled r-i-g-h-t .
Correctly is spelled right.
This is a joke.
I "get it" - very clever - lol!!
Wait a minute, did you mean to say "I don't 'no'?"