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Right, Bundle of Joy...how could ALL the reindeer be female?

There was one, crying in the corner because all the other reindeer made fun of the red nose. Likely from drinking too much. Santa's favorite, you can ride up front. You can pull my sleigh. But needing all the females to tell him the way,
taking up the slack, "turn here, go there, stop here!". "It's time to go, you are late!".

That reindeer's name must have been Rudolph! Otherwise known as the Golden boy! 🦌


Disclaimer:
(for those taking this joke literally, sorry).
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haha Sendhelp :).

hugs.
wishing us all an amazing soon xmas 2021!! :) :) :)

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:)
here, some of my jokes for the day:

why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

because every play has a cast.

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someone stole my mood ring yesterday.

i still don't know how i feel about that.

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showers are great. they make you feel nice & clean, you sound like a professional singer & they also help you make all of life's decisions.
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The Grinch was arrested this morning for trying to steal the joy out of Christmas. There is a fundme page collecting money for bail.
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pre-xmas hugs, everyone! :)
i hope you're all getting into the xmas spirit!! :) :) :)

--
here's another joke.
i actually already posted this joke inside one of my replies to a question, within a comment, of a reply, to an answer of a question. so you might have missed it.

here it is:

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."

"Anything, Your Honor," the hunter replies. "What is it?"

The judge says, "It's been illegal to kill a protected species for many years, so very few people have ever eaten a bald eagle. For the record, can you please tell everyone what a bald eagle tastes like?"

The hunter thinks for a moment and then replies, "It tastes pretty good. Kind of like a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."
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When taking that family gathering holiday photograph, put the boyfriend at the end, in case you may need to cut him out later.

Well, I hope that is not the case, ever.

But if you have been dating for over a year, and you are not engaged by Christmas........💍
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and then God created Saturn.

and he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
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Marriage counselor to a couple:

“Yes I remember suggesting that you never go to bed angry. However two years is a long time to go without sleep.”
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“Got my girlfriend a ‘get better soon’ card. She isn’t sick, I just think she can get better.”
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Procrastination Therapy Clinic

“Mr. Swanson, our session ended 15 minutes ago, will you please leave?…”

“I know, just give me a minute!”
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Doctor to patient:

“At your age, good health is pretty much a thing of the past. My advice is, find an illness you enjoy.”
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"Doctor, can you prescribe something to stop me from sleepwalking?"

"No, you need the exercise!"
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Surgery room.
Chainsaw is turned on.

Patient wakes up, sweating.

Doctor says, "Easy, Mr. Gundersen. We just fire it up to check if the anesthesia has you fully asleep yet."
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Santa Claus to Mrs. Claus:

"OK! Yes! I went to my ex-girlfriend's house last night! It's my job!"
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pre-xmas hugs from me to everyone!! :)
(in case you're wondering, pre-xmas hugs are similar to xmas hugs, but pre-xmas hugs are bigger than xmas hugs).

ok...my last joke for the day:

"Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk! Michael."
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Advice to new cowboy about to relieve himself: ‘Good idea to take your spurs off before you squat.’
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the 4 stages of life:

1. you believe in Santa Claus
2. you don't believe in Santa Claus
3. you are Santa Claus
4. you look like Santa Claus
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What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!
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How much does Santa's sleigh cost?

Sh, it's on the house.
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What wears a red suit, and goes, "Oh, oh, oh?"

Santa walking backwards!
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Who delivers presents to pets?

Santa Paws!
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Who delivers presents to sharks?

Santa Jaws!
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What is Santa's cat's name?

Santa Claws!
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What do gangster elves do for a living?

They wrap.
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Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus at therapy.

Mrs. Claus to the therapist:

"Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!"
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Some questions are unanswerable.

"I’m not sure which comedian it is, but one of them has a line of unanswerable questions that goes like this:

Why do we say that something is out of whack? What is whack? When someone asks you, a penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the sky you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has wet paint… you have to touch it to be sure?"
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:) it's time for another joke

Santa Claus (dressed in normal clothes) at Overeaters Anonymous:

"It's always the same...I'm good for 364 straight days, then in - one night - I binge on a hundred million servings of cookies and milk..."
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Santa Claus scrolling through his computer:

"Since facebook & twitter, it's a lot easier to know if they've been bad or good..."
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The day after Christmas.

Santa Clause at his computer, typing:

Santa's Cookie Reviews

--Jenny's House
home-made! ***** (5 stars)
--Danielle's House
off-brand! **
--Emma and Noah's House
stale! *
--Monty's House
had a bite missing! *
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A reindeer, down on his knees, kissing Santa Claus's hand:

"Thank you, Sir, for giving me the opportunity to guide your sleigh...You are truly a most generous, thoughtful, kind and beautiful human being."


[Contrary to popular belief, Santa's favorite was actually a brown-nosed reindeer.]
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What's the difference between a brown noser and a sh!t head?















Depth perception.
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