I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Rudolph, looking sad.
Santa Claus reading a report card:
History…..F
Math……...A
English…..A
Science….A
Man: What are you doing here?
Piece: Driving someone crazy right about now.
“Sour cream? You were supposed to get cream cheese! What ever happened to checking twice?”
Romantic night out at a restaurant.
Santa Claus:
“I read the wine list.
Checked it out twice.
Gonna find out if
The Pinot Noir’s nice.”
Mrs. Claus:
“Turn it off, honey.”
A therapist's office.
A Xmas tree is lying down on the couch:
"Turns out all those gifts weren't for me."
A snowflake lying down on the couch.
Another snowflake with spectacles, sitting on a chair:
"I'm not sure it's realistic to expect to find someone exactly like you."
Xmas stocking says:
"I'm telling you, there's nothing worse than being stuffed with candy and hung on a mantel."
Sorry we missed you! -- The Cable Company.
Santa: "The - one day - I'm out!"
They're looking at the chart on the doctor's wall:
HO
HO HO
HA HA HA
HEH HEH HEH HEH
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE
Doctor:
"Excellent! And now the bottom line."
“I have no idea why he calls us those weird names…My name is Bob!”
“I am writing you a prescription: be happy and feel great three times daily.”
“I may not be a perfect husband, but remember I’m an unpaid volunteer.”
“I’m hoping someone will steal my identity. I’m tired of taking responsibility for my own life!”
Therapist says:
“You’re allowed one small carry-on, but each additional piece of emotional luggage is an extra $10.”
“You say ‘itsy-bitsy spider, but Daddy says ‘eensie-weensie’ spider. You should have discussed this kind of thing before you decided to have children.”
“It’s not a rash, it’s moss. You need to start being more active than a tree.”
“Keep Xmas in your heart all year long. It will leave less room for cholesterol.”
C. S. Lewis
I’m very busy this time of year, so I’ll keep my Holiday Newsletter brief.
My family is much happier and more successful than yours, so you should be very jealous.
Season’s greetings.
Doctor:
“The next time you lift someone’s spirits, lift with your LEGS, not your BACK.”
Fortune teller:
“The good news is, you’ll be spending Thanksgiving with a large group of happy people.”
…if you have already sent us your payment, please accept our apology for the death threat and warm wishes for the holiday season.
Mother points downwards at the snowman:
“Timmy!!! That’s - not - where the carrot goes!”
The box says:
for Waldo.
Little boy: Wow! All that meat and no potatoes!
A man makes it to heaven.
His life report is read to him:
“…and you spent 6.35 years of your life deleting spam from your email.”
“Your mother and I need more time to save for your college education. We’d like you to go back to Kindergarten and start over.”
“These have 50% fewer calories than other chocolates. I ate half of them.”
“Here’s our new retirement plan - at age 65, we’ll get divorced then marry other people who planned better.”
One says:
“My husband and I used to share a toothbrush. Now we have trouble sharing a planet.”