I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“If you’re calling to say you love me, press 1. If you’re calling to say you miss me, press 2. If you’re calling to ask what’s for dinner, press 3 on the microwave.”
“Remember how much fun we had that night we slept under the stars? We may get to spend our whole retirement doing that.”
One says:
“My New Year’s Resolution is to stop putting my foot in my mouth all the time…I’ll bet yours is losing weight, huh?”
One was charged and the other was let off.
Times Square.
He got 12 months!
It’s December 31st.
It's too far to walk.
To start off the new year in a cool way.
...Only 15 more to go!
Pop!
until I see the trailer.
A liar.
haha :).
actually --- i learned it one day (it's a very pretty scottish song).
(it's a song often sung on New Year's Eve, at midnight)
:)
listen (simply beautiful)...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urDzywYAO0I
happy new year 2022, everyone!!!!! :) :) :) :)
may all your new year wishes come true!!!! :) :) :)
bundle of joy :)
Doing that will assure that you start the New Year off on the right foot.
I am still not sure what to wear for New Year's celebration in the living room.
Maybe I won't go. I have nothing to wear but a mask.
... Just sayin' 😂
"In solidarity with everyone who is snowed in across the country, I'm postponing my New Year's resolution to exercise."
He's thinking to himself, "I should probably be more realistic."
On his notepad:
Bark less.
Wag more.
Be nicer to the cat.
"More than anything else, we want our customers to be happy. Think about baby kittens. Think about the best kiss you ever had. Think about butterflies frolicking in a flower garden. Are you happy yet?"
"You're depressed? My depression makes your depression look like euphoria."
Cat:
No need, I'm already a vision of perfection.
Dog:
Love everything more.
Shark:
Improve public image.
Rabbit:
Make more rabbits.
Slug:
Sneak into houses at night more. Don't let them see you, but leave slime trails so they know you've been there.
T-rex:
Work on upper body strength. Also stop being dead.
One says to the other:
"When are you thinking of losing your self-esteem?"
Man and woman sitting at a table.
Waiter comes.
Woman says:
"I'd like a Chardonnay, and I'm fairly certain he'd like sex."
Priest:
"Do you promise to love, honor, and say, 'Who's there?' when he says, 'Knock, knock'?"
and...
Where did the cheap pirate go to get a new hook?
The second hand shop.
Wife, do you remember what you promised when we got married?
Husband, no, what did I promise?
Wife, you promised to love, honor and obey.
Husband, what did you promise?
Wife, I don't remember, but it was not those last two words.
Such was the marriage of my mother in law and father in law as I observed from 1984 until he died first in 1997. He was not henpecked. He was enslaved.