I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Good news. Your prostate isn't enlarged after all. The rest of you is shrinking.
Therapist taking notes:
What do you mean this is our last session?
Man:
Are you on your way to a Halloween party, too?
Grim:
Um...actually, neither of us are.
9 Grim Reapers are standing in front of him.
Cat:
All nine at once?! Have I really been that curious?
A girl and boy are seen walking towards Zelda's house.
Edna:
Dang...Zelda seem to attract - all - the little kids.
-----
Later, Edna was forced to sell her Brussels sprout house.
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A lawyer is dancing around the courtroom:
I'd like to make this motion, Your Honor!
Judge:
Motion denied.
Can we, just for a moment, Your Honor, ignore the facts?
I'd like to request a brief recess, Your Honor, as the witness's pants are on fire.
Big meeting.
The monk at the front, with a big smile:
Thanks for nothing.
-----
The Zen Awards.
Laughter is the best medicine.
But your insurance only covers chuckles, snickers and giggles.
The lights are dim.
A chicken is sitting on a chair.
Across the table is a police officer:
What came first, you or the egg?? Why did you cross the road? How is it that everything tastes like you? I want answers!
----
Grilled Chicken.
Therapist taking notes.
Clam:
Truth be told, I'm not that happy.
Woman looks up from the book she's reading:
I'm sorry, dear, I wasn't listening. Could you repeat what you've said since we've been married?
Therapist taking notes.
Man:
I need an authority figure to tell me I'm free.
--the sword
--hugs
--the rifle
--CAPS LOCK
A desk on the grass.
Dog, wearing glasses, at his desk and typing on his typewriter.
Man, on the phone, inside the house:
This is Ed down the street...Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again!
After age 40, all food is bad for you. Learn to chew air and eat rocks."
"If the people in your family tend to live a very long time, please continue to hold. Otherwise hang up and get on with your life."
Elderly man in armchair, reading his newspaper.
Woman:
You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy.
Man:
I didn't expect to live this long.
Young man in armchair, reading his newspaper.
Woman, trying to remember:
What did I come in here for?
Man:
You wanted to have sex.
Woman:
You grunt a lot better since we took that marriage communication workshop.
The counselor taking notes.
A couple. The woman says:
"He's handsome, sincere, generous, intelligent, supportive, patient, successful, romantic, strong, funny, energetic, thoughtful, sensitive and kind ---
but sometimes he leaves the cap off the toothpaste!!!"
--"Health."
Then it's settled. Debra gets the house and cars and you get a participation trophy.
A genie lamp is next to him.
The genie hovers above the dog:
You have just one more wish. Are you sure you want -- another -- belly-rub?
"So we split the house - I got the outside."
That way, you will be one mile away, and have their shoes.
quote by jack handy
Husband: (I can’t think of a come-back right now. It’s not my turn to use the brain.)
There are 2 different kinds of poeple in the world. Those who make spelling msitqakes and those who correct them.
There are 2 different kinds of people in the world. Those who forward this message to 10 people and those who die within 24 hrs.
There are 2 different kinds of people in the world. Those who make sense in a sentence and those who ate a sandwich today.
There are 2 different kinds of people in the world. Those who are wise, and those who are otherwise :-)