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❤️🙂

“Only God can judge me
and honestly
he’s not a fan.”
(2)
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🙂

“So I’ve been thinking
and I’d like for that to stop.”
(3)
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🙂

“Anything you can do
I can do a little bit worse.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

“15-LIKE”

Commitment issues in tennis…
(1)
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🙂

“Some people don't get sarcasm. They really don't.”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“I wonder if the planet Earth teases other planets for having no life.”
(1)
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❤️

“Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge.”
(3)
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❤️

"Someday I will solve my problems with critical reasoning. But today, I will solve it with chocolate."
(2)
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Give a weed an inch
And it will take a yard
(5)
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❤️🙂

“Dentist: Open up please.
Me: Sometimes I feel sad.”
(2)
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😢🥺😘

“Whenever you feel sad,
just remember that there are billions of cells in your body and all they care about is YOU.”
(2)
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🤯😱

“If you think this is bad,
you should see what our government is up to.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

“A banana has 105 calories.
A shot of whiskey has 80 calories.
Choose wisely.”
(1)
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❤️🙂 

"Inhale
Exhale
=
How you'll get through it."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"There is no better feeling than
someone playing with your hair or running their fingers down your back.
Unless you thought you were alone."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"People cheating on their taxes disgust me.
This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in..."
(2)
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❤️🙂

“You can do it”
– Coffee.
(0)
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❤️🙂

"I don't really have a plan.
I really solely on caffeine and weirdness
to get me through the day."
(1)
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🍄

"That's what friends
are spore."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"The most stable thing in my life is
my breakfast routine."
(1)
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❤️🙂

A pharmacy.
Lots of vegetables and fruits on the shelves.

A pharmacist gives lettuce to the customer:
"Take one a day with tomato and cucumber."
🙂
(0)
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❤️

"Modesty is just one of my fantastic attributes!"
(1)
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❤️🙂

"It's so nice to relax
after walking on eggshells for so long."
(3)
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🙂

"Life has its ups and downs.
We call them squats."
(3)
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😉

"Do it tomorrow.
You've made enough mistakes for today."
(2)
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❤️

"Starting tomorrow,
whatever life throws at me,
I'm ducking
so it hits someone else."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"The best part of waking up...
is still a mystery for me."
(2)
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😉

"You will meet 10 types of moms at your kid's school.
I'm currently avoiding 8 of them."
(2)
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😉

"The worst part about parallel parking
is the witnesses."
(4)
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😉

"I don't understand why judges get paid so much,
others judge me for free."
(2)
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