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❤️🙂

"And for my next trick
I will dazzle you
with the illusion that I have my s****t together."
(2)
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😉

"Best way to get back on your feet.
Miss 2 car payments."
(4)
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😉

"Ever look at someone and think,
'Why has no one hit you with a shovel yet?'"
(3)
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❤️🙂

“This is my resting peach 🍑 face!”
(3)
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❤️🙂 hi every caregiver on the forum, you’re doing a beautiful peach 🍑 of work. reward yourself!
(3)
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😉

“Some people are a peach 🍑 of s*****t.”
(2)
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❤️🙂 hi need, i don’t have any banana 🍌 jokes. but lettuce 🥬 go bananas 🍌 over my fruit & vegetable jokes:

“I’m so grapeful for you!”
🍇

“Peas be mine!”

“Put your hands in the air! This is a strobbery!”
🍓

“You’re olive 🫒 avo 🥑 wanted.”

“It’s OK. It’s nut 🥜 your fault.”
(1)
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BOJ,

Any banana jokes for National Banana Day?

I am going to make some banana bread today!
(1)
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❤️🙂 

Started to go to the gym
this morning.
Couldn't find my membership card...

A new one was $10.
A donut & coffee were $3.
Guess who saved $7?
(3)
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❤️🙂 

Started to go to the gin...

(just kidding)
(2)
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❤️🙂 

"A yawn
is a silent scream for gin."
(2)
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BOJ,

Gin and Tonic! A refreshing drink. That’s my go to once in awhile.
(1)
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❤️🙂 

"Let
the games
be
gin."
(1)
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❤️🙂 more gin quotes...

"Keep your
gin up."
(2)
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😉

"Cat puns freak meowt."
(5)
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❤️🙂

"Let the evening
be gin."
(2)
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🙂

"Alexa take down the xmas decorations."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Maybe swearing will help."
(3)
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😉

"Now you understand why
Peter Pan didn't want to grow up."
(2)
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😉

"You never run out of things that can go wrong..."
(4)
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❤️🙂 garfield...

Jon, reading a book:
According to this diet book, cake and chocolate are our enemies.

Garfield:
Jon...Jon...Jon...Where are your values?
We must love our enemies.
(2)
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❤️

"I'm not self-medicating with chocolate.
The lady at the shop gave me a prescription...
Well, she called it a receipt.
Whatever."
(4)
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❤️

"Chocolate is for life
not just for Easter."
(1)
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🙂

"Once upon a time
I was hungry
and that's what happened to your chocolate."
(2)
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❤️

"GIVE ME the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
Xoxo."
(2)
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🙂

"Sorry, I'm not trained to deal with idiots."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Oops! Did I buy champagne instead of milk again...?"
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Therapist:
Anyways...

Me:
'Anyways' isn't a word. You mean 'anyway'.

Therapist:
ANYWAY, we were talking about your difficult making friends."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Do people still run away with the circus?
Asking for a friend."
(1)
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🙂

"In hell, women are even more right."
(0)
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