Follow
Share
Read More
❤️🙂 

"Just say
YIKES
and move on."
(1)
Report

😉

"Am I getting older
or is the supermarket playing great music?"
(3)
Report

❤️🙂 

"One day I was born.
Then everything bothered me.
And that brings us up to date."
(4)
Report

❤️🙂 

"I 🐝 🌿 in you!"
(2)
Report

😡🤯

"Me on my way to overreact." 😂
(2)
Report

🙂☕

"Bad day? Coffee
Good day? Coffee
Stressed? Coffee
Happy? Coffee
Inspired? Coffee
Coffee? Coffee"
(2)
Report

❤️🙂 

"I'm so confused when people say they don't
drink coffee.
What do you do?
Get an appropriate amount of sleep?
NERD."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂 

"Sunday morning workout.
Coffee
cup curls."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"I can tell today is going
to be a 'does not play well with others'
kind of day."
(1)
Report

😉

"Mood:
Wanna sleep for 3 years."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"Insomnia is a glamorous
term for thoughts you forgot to have in the day."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂 for us insomniacs...

"Keep calm
& enjoy no sleep."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

"I have a great April Fools' joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."
(2)
Report

🙂

"I solemnly resolve
to lose weight by living on the moon."
(2)
Report

😉 dieting...

"This year,
you'll see a lot less of me."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂 careful!

"When we lose twenty pounds. We may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad."
(3)
Report

😉

"Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it."
(3)
Report

🙂

"Whenever I check my weight, I
always subtract 10 pounds. I don't
think a girl's breasts or brain
should ever count against them."
(1)
Report

❤️🙂

"You are a friend worth a million dollars. I have auctioned you."
(2)
Report

❤️🙂

"Can I tell you an April Fools' Day joke about elevators? It works on many levels."
(3)
Report

❤️🙂

"What did April Fools’ Day say after it won an award? Prank you."
(3)
Report

InMyShoes: I love bagpipe music. How awesome that your sons play.
(3)
Report

bundleofjoy
Both of my sons play bagpipes but never at 2 o'clock in the morning. Our cats were interested when my son was practicing in his bedroom. I thought they would be scared.
(3)
Report

Don't worry about getting older.
You're still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower.
(5)
Report

❤️🙂🐈

“I just want my cat’s confidence.”
(1)
Report

🙂 a snake talking to a turtle…

snake: I want to be confident.
turtle: Pretend you’re confident.
snake: When do I stop pretending?
turtle: Never.
(2)
Report

❤️🙂 while i exercised today…

“If I keep running, I’ve got to come across a taco stand eventually.”
(1)
Report

😉

“You can’t
fix stupid.”
(2)
Report

🙂

“Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.”
(3)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter