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❤️🙂🥗🥬🥕🍅🥒🍆🌽🥦

"I wish I were
the person I thought I'd be when I bought all these veggies."
(3)
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🙂

"Do you remember the days when people were smarter than their phones?"
(2)
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🙄🙋‍♀️

"Raise your hand
if you think the whole world has gone crazy."
(2)
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🙂🐈

"My sprit animal is
a grumpy cat, who slaps annoying people."
(1)
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🙂🐈

Cat, looking at the empty bowl and then at the owner:
"What part of 'meow' don't you understand?"
(1)
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🙂

"Therapist:
It seems like you fall in love too easily.

Me:
What babe?"
(1)
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🙄

"I have NEVER
faked a sarcasm in my life."
(0)
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🙄

"I just can't help it...
I'm even a bad influence on myself!"
(0)
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❤️🙂

"If you see me talking to myself, don't be alarmed.
I'm getting expert advice."
(1)
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😉

"My circle is so small, I started talking to myself."
(0)
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❤️🙂☕ gooooood morning, everyone!

"Today's Tuesday, also known as Monday Part 2.
Coffee, lots of coffee, please."
(0)
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❤️🙂

"I really hope my life doesn't flash before my eyes when I die.
There's some s****it I'd rather not see again."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I'm going to be real pissed if I get my s****it together
and the world ends."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Adult female friendships are mostly
sending messages and helping diagnose sociopaths in each other's lives."
(3)
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🙂

"I wonder if clouds ever look down on us
and say, 'Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot.'"
(4)
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🙂

"Forget about the zombie apocalypse that will never come...
Worry about the idiot apocalypse that's already upon us."
(1)
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❤️

"It's OK if you fall apart sometimes.
Tacos fall apart
and we still love them."
(0)
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❤️🙂

"Based on my calculations,
I can retire about 5 years after I die."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"I don't know who needs to hear this right now.
But if you're going through a rough time...
don't cut your bangs."
(2)
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❤️

"Be someone who makes you happy."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"May March 2023 be the plot twist you've been waiting for."
(0)
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❤️🙂

How to tell someone you hate them politely.
"You're the Monday of my life."
(0)
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❤️🙂☕

"Here's to Monday! Would you like cream, sugar or valium in your coffee?"
(0)
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❤️🙂☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕
☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

"Can I please have a Monday-sized coffee to go?"
(0)
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🤮😡

"It's been Monday
all week long."
(0)
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🤯🤮🤮🤮

"Monday...
It's like a terrible movie...
with sequels."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"REMEMBER to:
seize each day...
and squeeze every bit of napping from it
and those treats won't eat themselves!"
--cat motivational speaker
(3)
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❤️🙂 happy sunday, everyone!

"Start the day with a brisk walk is what I say.
Start the day with a brisk nap is what I do."
(1)
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🙂

"Is it just me?
Or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?"
(3)
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❤️🙂

"If you're single, have some patience.
Your soulmate is almost done with those divorce papers."
(2)
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