I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"2 pm: Proud of self for not buying ice cream.
9 pm: Mad at 2 pm self."
"About 4 minutes into my run,
I decided I want to work on my personality instead."
"Me:
I want to wake up with you for the rest of my life.
Him:
I get up at 5:00 am.
Me:
Never mind."
"If you were offered $900 million to sell a family member,
who would you sell?"
"If we date, you never have to worry about me cheating on you...
I might eat something that was yours, but that's about it."
"Person:
WTF is wrong with you?
Me:
You mean today or like in general?"
"Stop complaining about your life.
There are people out there dating your ex."
"Stop having relationship problems
with someone you're not in a relationship with."
"I'm sick of these
10 second weekends."
"First they'll give you butterflies
then mental trauma."
"Being abducted by aliens might just be the vacation I need at this point."
"2023...
and I'm still processing 2019."
"Me: I'll do it at 6
Time: 6:05
Me: Wow, looks like I gotta wait till 7 now."
"You know what rhymes with Thursday?
Vodka."
"Best friend (noun):
Someone who hates your ex more than you do."
"My give a f****k is still broken,
but my go f****k yourself is fully functional."
"X: Babe, I buyed you something.
Y: LOL. It's not buyed, it's boat."
"What hurt's more than a breakup?
A badly used apostrophe."
"Please hesitate to reach out to me."
"You're fired.
Your employment is hereby terminated.
You're jobn't.
You're promoted to customer."
"W: So they really clothes school tomorrow.
X: They shirt it down.
Y: That socks.
Z: I was underwear of this."
"If aliens visited Earth, who would you recommend speak to them on behalf of humanity?"
"When you sleep to avoid your problems, but end up dreaming about them..."
"I'm getting real sick & tired of food having calories."
"No I didn't say you WERE stupid. I said you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it."
"My mind is exceptionally quiet...
I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about."
"I see you've been eating whatever you want and not exercising."
--Pants
"I never thought I'd be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right."