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80% of arguments start
because someone hasn’t eaten yet.
(5)
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I don’t like being asked “Are you at home?”

Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.
🙂
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂
For legal reasons
everything I post is a joke.
(2)
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You know what??
I’m just gonna say it.
Sharks just aren’t
eating enough people.
(4)
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🙂
My bank statement
is basically a food diary.
(4)
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🙂
I wonder how fed up someone had to be
to make deodorant.
(3)
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🙂🌈🌸
My grocery list:

1. Don’t run into anyone you know

2. Eggs
(3)
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@Bundle, that one about "which level of hell is this" certainly resonates. I just got finished saying that Dante missed a whole lot of circles of hell in his writings. There are in fact many more than he described!
Know I come here to get a smile from your postings to us! And I thank you.
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂🌈🌈🌈🌸🌸🌸
If you’re lucky enough to find a weirdo
never let them go.
(3)
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Excuse me,
which level of h*ll is this?
(6)
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🙂
Next week
has been exhausting.
(2)
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🙂
I’m often mistaken for an adult
because of my age.
(5)
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🙂
I’m not stupid.
And sometimes I think
that’s part of the problem.
(5)
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Awwww…She’s smiling in her sleep.
I wonder how she killed me this time.
(4)
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I sat quietly with my own thoughts today.
Remind me to never, ever do that again.
(5)
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🙂
When I get to work, I first hide.
Because a good worker is hard to find.
(5)
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🙂
97% of my poor decisions
are food related.
(3)
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🙂
I can already tell it’s going to be another one of those mornings where I’m not rich & famous.
(4)
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🤯🤯🤯
Today was going great, until
people.
(4)
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😉
A wolf is struck with a curse: every full moon it turns into a human for one night.
(3)
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It turns out that Earth
is actually an insane asylum for the universe.
(2)
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Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft??

Classical conditioning.
(2)
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😍😍😍
Love letter from a statistician...

X's letter to Y: You're three standard deviations above the norm.

Y: Um...Thanks?
(2)
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Do I know any jokes about sodium?
Na
(3)
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😉
You know too much psychology
when you can't get mad because
you understand everyone's
reason for doing everything.
(3)
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🙂🙂🙂
You aren’t doing it wrong
…if no one knows what you’re doing.
(2)
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🙂🙂🙂
If at first you don’t succeed,
try two more times
so that your failure is statistically significant.
(2)
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😉
No matter how popular they get…
antibiotics will never
go viral!
(2)
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One day, you're gonna wake up and roll over next to someone that is completely obsessed with you.

It's probably going to be a dog, but that's okay.
(5)
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Not a joke , but funny

Ya know how sometimes, for whatever reason you need to pee, and you need to pee, now. 😂

I found it helps to sing the alphabet, while walking to the bathroom. Then I found, you need to get to the bathroom before you get to the letter P ! 😂
(2)
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