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❤️🙂 good morning!! ☕☕

"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
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Husband: What's for dinner?
Wife: Nothing
Husband: We had nothing last night.
Wife: I know, I made enough for two days.
(6)
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😉

"I tried to see things
your way.
You're still an idiot."
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❤️🙂

"Seize the day
unless maybe
it's Monday."
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❤️

"A dead battery can't jump a dead battery.
Get away from people who can't charge your spirit when you need a jump."
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❤️🙂

"I've got 99 problems
but that’s 693 in dog problems!!"
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❤️😉

"I've got 99 problems
and they all involve food.
Delicious food."
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❤️🙂

"I've got 99 problems
and a longer weekend could solve 98 of them."
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😉

"A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower."
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❤️🙂 gooood morning!

"If you're going to rise
you might as well shine."
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😉

"Success isn’t that difficult; it merely involves taking twenty steps in a singular direction. Most people take one step in twenty directions.”
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😉

"Overthinking is the art of solving problems you don’t have."
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❤️🙂

"The level of success in your life is directly correlated to the number of uncomfortable things you are willing to do."
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😉

"What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom...

Bullsh***t, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more."
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😉

"Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure."
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😉❤️

"I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'"
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😉

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
(1)
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😉

"He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed."
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❤️🙂

"What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?
Don't worry, I don't know the answer either."
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❤️🙂

having some technical difficulties, please be patient.
i'm uninstalling monday.
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😉

"Monday is the root of all
EVIL."
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❤️🙂 happy monday everyone!!

true story
☕☕☕☕

i have 4 sizes of coffee:
small
medium
large
MONDAY
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❤️🙂

"Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today?"
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😉

"Due to the rising cost of ammunition
I'm no longer able to provide a warning shot.
Thanks for your understanding."
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😉

"OF COURSE your opinion matters.
Just not to me."
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❤️🙂

"My cat was right about you."
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❤️🙂 true story about bundle of joy...

"Trust me
as you get to know me
I just get weirder."

🙂
(1)
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😉

"Priest, reading to the couple about to marry:
Do you promise to love & cherish each other
until it's inconvenient, or you're tired of it,
or somebody more exciting comes along, or
it's just not fun anymore?"
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❤️🙂

Keep using my name in vain
I'll make rush hour longer
-- God
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❤️🙂

"Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she's doing."
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