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❤️🙂

"It's OK for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors turn up. But when I do it I'm anti-social."
(1)
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❤️🙂

A couple at the office:
THE IRS

Husband says to the wife, "Like the sign says...it's all THEIRS."
(1)
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❤️🙂

🐕:
I saw all your clothes were clean so I put my fur on them.
Oh and that hair you just swallowed? Yeah I'm inside of you now.
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Stop giving CPR to dead situations."
(3)
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❤️

"Please invite happiness to sit at your table too."
(3)
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❤️🙂

My cat:
What do you mean, we're getting a dog????
(1)
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😉

"Never argue with a statistician. They can be mean."
(1)
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"I didn't mean to push all your buttons. I was just looking for mute."
(4)
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🐈🐕

"dogs can't operate mri scanners.
but catscan."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"Next week
has been exhausting."
(3)
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🌴🌴🌴

"Keep palm and carry on."
(2)
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🌳🌳🌳

"Are you oakay? Yes, I'm pine. Why woodn't I be?"
(2)
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🐈

"I've got my thinking cat on."
(1)
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❤️🙂 enjoy your weekend, everyone!! :) :) :)

"etc.
end of thinking capacity."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"If you're reading this
it's too late.

I already sent good vibes your way.
They're coming. There's nothing you
can do to stop them."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Terms & Conditions (noun):
We could write literally anything here and you wouldn't read it so we decided not to bother."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"One minute you're really young and cool...
and the next, you're getting all excited about a new vacuum cleaner."
(1)
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❤️

"My best fiction writing is my daily to-do list."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I can't afford to hate anyone, I don't have that kind of time."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Pink Panther's to-do list:
- to do
- to do
- to do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo"
(2)
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❤️🙂 a model being interviewed...

"It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Watches Netflix happily. Remembers you need to DO the to-do list. Watches Netflix stressfully."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I just want to travel the world, overspend at IKEA and drink coffee while cuddling puppies."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
(2)
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😉

“[normal life] I’ve worn the same shirt every day for a week. [packing for a vacation] Hmm. I’ll prob change a few times a day so that’s…32 shirts.”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
(2)
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😉

“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone?”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“Vacation resort rule #1: Apparently, if you place a towel on a chair, you own said chair forever. ”
(1)
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❤️🙂

“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
(2)
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