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"Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now on I'm going to concentrate on getting taller."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"Anyone else reached that age where you gain weight if you breathe?"
(3)
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❤️🙂 yup...

"Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars."
(3)
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Although elders falling is not a "funny" thing, when both my MIL and SFIL were in decline and "falling" on a weekly basis (requiring a pick-up but not medical attention) my exasperated husband started referring to them as the Gold Medal US Olympic Carpet Diving team.
(9)
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❤️🙂

"I'm never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep forgetting to do things..."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I don't trip. I do random gravity checks."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"I wish more people were fluent in silence."
(4)
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❤️🙂

"Stop petting my peeves."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"DON'T YOU type at me IN THAT TONE OF VOICE."
(4)
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🙂☕️☕️☕️☕️ it's that simple... 

"The road to success is paved in coffee."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"...I was wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don't show."
(4)
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❤️🙂

"Cleverly disguised - as a - responsible adult."
(1)
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❤️🙂

“Monday??! But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet…”
(3)
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❤️🙂

"Mondays: the only day you can wear the same exact outfit as yesterday without anyone knowing."
(2)
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❤️🙂

"I’m not sure if it’s the end of the world or just Monday."
(2)
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hugs, natasana!! :) :)
(0)
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@bundleofjoy

Ha! I laughed out loud...really!

"You know that moment when you close a cupboard and hear something fall? That's the sound of someone else's problem." 

Good one 🙈🙉🙊
(4)
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❤️🙂

"What time is too early to start drinking?
(Asking for a friend)"
(3)
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🙂

"Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands??"
(4)
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❤️🙂

"You know that moment when you close a cupboard and hear something fall? That's the sound of someone else's problem."
(4)
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🍳🍳🍳

"I'm just going to flip this omelette here

annnnddd...

I'm having scrambled eggs."
(3)
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🙂

"What's the medical condition for needing to eat 30,000 calories right before bed every night? Asking for a friend."
(3)
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❤️🙂

"I'm not passive aggressive
** unlike some **
PEOPLE."
(1)
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❤️🙂

"Stay calm
and aggressive."
(2)
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❤️🙂🙂🙂

"I drink this coffee so you all may live another day."
(2)
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🙂☕️☕️☕️☕️

"First my coffee, then your nonsense."
(3)
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🙂☕️☕️☕️☕️

"When I was little, I don't know what I thought being a grown-up would be like, but I had no idea there would be so much coffee and swearing."
(2)
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🌸🌸🌸🍀🍀🍀🌸🌸🌸
❤️🙂 it's 7 january, the 1st week of the new year has gone by...i hope the new year is starting off greattttt for all of you!! and if there's trouble, i hope goood solutions come your way. head up!!

anywayyyyy, it's time for more jokes...

“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.” 

“Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.”

🙂 “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”

🙂 "If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything."

"She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success, wrong by wrong."

❤️ "Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose."
(3)
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❤️🙂

“Don’t judge me ’cause I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.”
(1)
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