I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
🙂
"Successfully wasted 364 days of 2022. 1 more to go."
(just kidding)
(i won't be wasting any days)
🙂
bundle of joy 🙂
Thursday, December 29, 2022
“If Friday had a face, I would kiss it!”
🙂 funny new year’s resolutions…
“Only get divorced and remarried once this year.
Claim all my pets as dependents on my taxes.
Promise to clean my room once a week, even if last year I only cleaned it when I had friends over.
Start a blog about my feelings and then bitch about how I don’t have anything interesting to write about.
Stop pretending that’s it’s not time to take out the garbage by repeatedly smashing the trash with my arms. It’s way better to take it out than to have my hands hurt all day.
Every time I type a smiley face I will actually laugh-out-loud.
My New Year’s resolve is to make better bad decisions.
I will finally get rid of all the clothes that I know I will never again wear.
Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you’ll never find it.
Buy new clothes big enough to account for next year’s holidays.
Drive by the fitness center at least once a week to pay my respects.
I will save water and stop taking a bath.
Before using a public toilet, I will always check for toilet paper.
I will read less.
I will start working with neglected children - my own.
I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier stall.
I will not worry about trifles. I will start to worry more - because of the melting of glaciers, the extinction of the Amur tigers or global warming.”
🙂
❄️❄️❄️
🍀🍀🍀
I removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious.
Many
memories.
No evidence.
"Let’s not spend New Year’s Eve trying to figure out where to spend New Year’s Eve."
“Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by New Year's Eve. Only 30 pounds to go.”
🙂 me to my dog…
“You chewed up my list of New Year’s Resolutions! Good boy!”
“My resolution was to read more, so I put subtitles on my TV.”
🙂
“Thank you, next.”
—Me to 2022
My New Year’s resolutions are:
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
🥰🤓
”New Year’s Resolution:
Be More Awesome than last year.”
😉
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”
😉
“That time between Xmas and New Year when you don’t know what day it is, who you are or what you’re supposed to be doing.”
“Dear New Year’s Resolution,
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Sincerely,
January 2nd”
“I’m giving up drinking until Xmas.
Sorry, wrong punctuation.
I’m giving up. Drinking until Xmas.”
“Do not drink
and wrap presents.
Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Xmas, I’m gonna need that back.”
“For anybody else that’s getting coal for Xmas, maybe we can link up and get the grill going or something.”
“Made the nice list.”
🐕🐈
“The same cat and dog, next to a Xmas tree 🎄, eyeing the plate in front of them.
Dog to the cat:
Okay, same as last year, right? I eat the cookies, you drink the milk, we blame Santa Claus…”
“A cat and dog under a mistletoe.
Dog to the cat:
Look, it was a magical moment, but I think it would be best if we pretend this never happened.”
“Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.”
“First God created man, then he had a better idea…”
“Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.”
“Two reasons I don’t trust people:
1. I don’t know them.
2. I do know them.”