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⭐️🙂⭐️
If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them.
(5)
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🌸⭐️🌸
What do you sing to a cow on its birthday? Happy birthday to moo!
(2)
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🙂⭐️🙂
Don’t let your old age get you down...it’s way too hard to get back up these days!
(5)
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😉⭐️😉
You’re not old.
You’re chronologically gifted.
(4)
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Dear liver,

This month will be rough.
Stay strong.
(3)
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Instant gratification takes too long.
(2)
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"I'm not crazy — I've just been in a very bad mood for 60 years."
(2)
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stand-up comedian:

I went on a date with a girl one time. And she made fun of me for my color blindness,

which is to me a HUGE grey flag.
(3)
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😉
No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.
(4)
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😇😇🙂🙂
Ignore responsibilities
Lie on floor
(1)
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We dredged out a DVD of Priscilla Queen of the Desert the night before last. Yup, the weird turn pro!
(1)
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🙂🙂🙂
When the going gets weird,
the weird turn pro.
(3)
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Be the weird
you want to see in the world.
(1)
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Life is GREAT.
(terms and conditions apply)
(4)
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🙂🙂🙂
The spirit is willing,
but the wifi is weak.
(5)
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I asked other people for advice a thousand times. But I never got the advice I wanted.
(4)
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🙂🙂🙂
The way I stay indoors,
I’m slowly becoming furniture.
(4)
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🙂🙂🙂
Time is precious…
waste it wisely.
(3)
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Monday
is the day that coffee
needs coffee before I do.
(2)
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It's Monday again??
I wasn't even finished with my Saturday yet.
(3)
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“You were once someone’s sunshine. What happened?”

Climate change.
(4)
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I never delete messages…

Just in case someone wanna lie about May 2nd, 1858.
(3)
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Chicken lips went to HR and complained…

And now we can’t use nicknames at work anymore.
(4)
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All guys hate the words DON’T and STOP unless they’re put together.
(4)
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Don’t you just hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
(4)
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Hey bundleofjoy, round is a shape. :-)
(3)
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Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.
(3)
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🥰🥰
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them.

Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever.
(4)
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I wish I lacked common sense.
They all seem so happy…
(6)
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Caution:
When someone says get a grip, apparently around their neck is NOT what they meant.
(5)
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