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❤️😇

“I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.”
(4)
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❤️😇

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
(4)
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“I hate when I go out in public and the public is there.”
(1)
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❤️😇

“Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?”
(3)
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I hate when people ask me if I'm all ready for Christmas.
No Susan. I'm not even ready for today.
(6)
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🥰

“You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't."
(2)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Only listen to fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "What's the speed of dark?"
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Be kind to pigeons. A statue will some day be made of you."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Pigeon poop burns the retina for 13 hours. You will learn this the hard way."
(2)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Your pet is planning to eat you."
(2)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "This cookie is never gonna give up, never gonna let you down."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "You are about to become $8.95 poorer. ($6.95 if you had the buffet)."
(2)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "I see money in your future...it is not yours though."
(2)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you, but what you can do for your fortune cookie."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Ignore previous cookie."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "About time I got out of that cookie."
(1)
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❤️🙂

Fortune cookie message: "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!"
(2)
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❤️🙂

“I hate it when healthy me does the groceries, because now fat me needs a snack.”
(6)
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🙂

“2034 is gonna be my year. Just you wait.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits…
Go for a drive, go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.”
(3)
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😉

“From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.”
(3)
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❤️🙂☕️☕️

“Good morning! Let the stress begin.”
(3)
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❤️

“Wanna hear a joke? Sleep. I know, I don’t get it either.”
(5)
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❤️

“Well, since I can’t sleep I may as well browse the internet for quotes about not being able to sleep.”
(1)
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❤️

“Me: I can’t sleep. 

My brain: Would it help if I started calculating the maximum amount of sleep we can get every few minutes?”
(2)
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❤️

“I followed my heart, and it led me to the couch.”
(3)
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😉

“Lazy people always work harder than anyone else; they’re so eager to get through and lie down again.”
(3)
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🙂 hope y'all doing ok!! i'm having a lazy day over here...

"Dogs run, and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing, and they live for 150 years. Enough said.”
(3)
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❤️🙂

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”
(3)
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