I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.”
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
“I hate when I go out in public and the public is there.”
“Do you ever meet someone for the first time and want to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?”
No Susan. I'm not even ready for today.
“You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't."
Fortune cookie message: "Only listen to fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units."
Fortune cookie message: "What's the speed of dark?"
Fortune cookie message: "Be kind to pigeons. A statue will some day be made of you."
Fortune cookie message: "Pigeon poop burns the retina for 13 hours. You will learn this the hard way."
Fortune cookie message: "Your pet is planning to eat you."
Fortune cookie message: "This cookie is never gonna give up, never gonna let you down."
Fortune cookie message: "You are about to become $8.95 poorer. ($6.95 if you had the buffet)."
Fortune cookie message: "I see money in your future...it is not yours though."
Fortune cookie message: "Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you, but what you can do for your fortune cookie."
Fortune cookie message: "Ignore previous cookie."
Fortune cookie message: "About time I got out of that cookie."
Fortune cookie message: "Help! I'm being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!"
“I hate it when healthy me does the groceries, because now fat me needs a snack.”
“2034 is gonna be my year. Just you wait.”
“When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits…
Go for a drive, go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.”
“From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.”
“Good morning! Let the stress begin.”
“Wanna hear a joke? Sleep. I know, I don’t get it either.”
“Well, since I can’t sleep I may as well browse the internet for quotes about not being able to sleep.”
“Me: I can’t sleep.
My brain: Would it help if I started calculating the maximum amount of sleep we can get every few minutes?”
“I followed my heart, and it led me to the couch.”
“Lazy people always work harder than anyone else; they’re so eager to get through and lie down again.”
"Dogs run, and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing, and they live for 150 years. Enough said.”
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”