I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“I just checked my account balance at the ATM. It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles.”
“Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really
see myself doing.”
“For attractive lips, please speak words of kindness.”
“I haven’t had my coffee yet today, so…please don’t make me kill you, it will mess up my pretty dress.”
“Coffee. Because bad mornings deserve a second chance.”
“Drink coffee do stupid things faster with more energy.”
“All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.”
“You can do it” – Coffee.
❤️ “I love you to the fridge and back.“
“I'd be muffin without you.”
“Good morning! Raise your hand if you need a break from life & stress, 5 million dollars, flat abs & your own private island.”
After awhile, I recognized the moans, shouts, and told dH they were probably decorating and hanging their Christmas lights.
Sure enough, the lights look fantastic!
A bird, and his bird friends, checking out a can of worms. They read the back of the can: the nutritional information:
“All the nutritional benefits of regular worms, without the hassle of having to get up early.”
“I just opened a can of worms. They just sit there, the worms. Hardly the chaos that’s been advertised.”
“Can I call you back in a few cups of coffee?”
“I love the sound of NOT hearing from some people.”
"The trick is to find happiness in the brief gaps between disasters."
“Guess what guys. It's only Tuesday."
"When girls are mad they can write a paragraph in literally 5 seconds."
“In dog coffees, I’ve only had one.”
“OF COURSE size matters. Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.”
“Life without coffee is like something without something … sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”
The trees are not clapping their hands (how can they after being cut down for a Christmas tree)?
And the rocks are not crying out. (After I have stubbed my toe on one).
“The coffee was added successfully. This body can now be started. Good morning!”
🙂
“I’ve always wanted to go into an elevator full of strangers & say, ‘I bet you’re all wondering why I brought you here today.’”
“Coffee. Because murder is wrong.”
Just loosen the bolts a little bit every day
by pfontes16
Apr 2016
Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what .' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
(I just love this)??
'For F*-#?? sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
Try your hardest
Stay grounded
Start each day with a clean slate
Keep still
Be well rounded
Live in balance
Never take life for granite
”If you are not coffee, chocolate or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
“I have seen things. Awful things. Empty coffee cups.”
“Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.”