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🙃🙃 astrology…

“Doctor: What’s your zodiac sign?

Woman: Cancer.

Doctor: What a coincidence.”
(2)
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❤️🙂 astrology…

“Man: It’s not my fault officer. I’m a Gemini, and Gemini’s are always in a hurry.

Cop: Wow, that’s crazy. I’m a Libra, which means I don’t care, and here’s your ticket.”
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❤️🙂 more on astrology…

“Hey people who know astrology. I’ve been having a lot of feelings recently. Any planets I can blame that on?”
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❤️🙂

“Astrology:

because millions of planets and stars have spent billions of years lining themselves up just to let you know that you will meet someone with brown eyes today.”
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🥰

dear llamalover,

“Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment…because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.”
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"Common sense is not so common"=words uttered by a friend after I told her that someone put raw meat into an OUTSIDE food pantry that she and I routinely stock.
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❤️🙂

“It is a little known fact that the Bermuda Triangle used to be called the Bermuda Rectangle. Until one side mysteriously disappeared.”
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BOJ,
You have some great jokes, making me laugh all the time.
I just try to pass on a few (copy, paste) that make me laugh.
Thanks though, I cannot take any credit.

I am always fearful that the copy/paste police will arrest me.
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❤️🙂

“I don’t believe in superstition because it brings BAD LUCK.”
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“Someone please tell me: how can I transfer money that’s in my head to my bank account?”

🙂🙂
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“My bank account looks like my family is getting…a nice smile and a hug for xmas.”

🥳🥳🥳
(2)
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you made me crack up, send. hug!

😊😊
(1)
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Mom always said: "Work hard so your bank account balance looks like a phone number."

Well, I did.

Balance is $9.11
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🤔🫣

“Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?”
(5)
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🙃

“Where is far, far away and how do I get there?”
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Socrates to do is to be.

Plato to be is to do.

Scooby do be do
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🥰

“Happiness is…reading a quote and thinking, ‘Yes! Exactly!’”

“Happiness is…truly not caring what people think of you.”

🥰🧁🧁🧁“Happiness is…when you’re having a bad day and it suddenly starts to rain cupcakes.”
(1)
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🥰

“Happiness is…the privilege of friendship (to talk total nonsense but have that nonsense respected).”

“Happiness is…to be able to pull each other out of the hole no matter how deep it is.”

“Happiness is…when you stop over-analyzing everything.”

🥸🥸 “Happiness is…talking to yourself and laughing at how weird you are.”
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😜🥸

“Happiness is…being weird every now and then.”
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🦃🦃🥧🥧☕️☕️🥰🥰

“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”
(1)
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🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🥛🥛🥑🌽🍅🍆

“80% cookie monster, 20% health goddess.”
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🥰

“I followed my diet, but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.”

🥹 “Today I bought a cupcake without sprinkles…Diets are hard.”

“Maybe psychopaths are just regular people on a low carb, sugar free diet.”
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😋😋😇😇🥔🥔

“*switching the place cards so I’m sitting next to the mashed potatoes and turkey*”
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❤️🙂

“Thanksgiving journal, Day 3: Have come to regard eating pie 3-5 times a day as normal. Wearing a bed sheet as a toga because nothing fits.”
(2)
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❤️🙂

“OMG, I gave thanks for everything yesterday, but it was the WRONG DAY.”
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❤️🙂 haha, nice one.

a few more:

🦃🦃🥧🥧
“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape…to play Santa Claus.”

——
🥹🥹
“That look, when you get on the scale.”

——
😳
“If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE.”

——
✏️✏️“What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi.”

——
🤔🤔
“If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.”

——
“For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!”

❤️🙂🦃🦃
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🥧🦃🦃🥧

“Remember to set your scales back 10 pounds this week.”
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❤️🙂 funny pessimistic quotes to demotivate you...

"If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you."

"When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults."

"You're not deep, you're not an intellectual, you're not an artist, you're not a critic, you're not a poet. You just have internet access."

"Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free."

"There are no stupid questions, there are a lot inquisitive idiots."
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🌵🌵🌵

“You may be given a cactus, but you don’t have to sit on it.”
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🥧🥧🥧🥰🥰🥰

“Pumpkin pie fixes everything. Fact.”
(1)
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