I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
“A man (Bob) is hugging a cactus. Overwhelmed with gratitude, Bob hugged the wrong tree.”
“What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving? Good-pie everyone!”
“If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”
"The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so."
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”
——
"I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."
——
"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."
——
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”
🙂
“Leftovers are for quitters.”
“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that’s even worse.”
“Enjoy the good times because something terrible is probably about to happen.”
“It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.”
“I can’t eat another bite…Oh look, pie!”
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”
“What was the turkey thankful for on Thanksgiving? Vegetarians.”
“Can a turkey jump higher than a house? Yes, because houses can't jump!”
“What vegetables go together with a Thanksgiving dinner? Beets me!”
A guy is driving around and sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff."
"My three dogs came into the house, after being out in the garden. The doctor said to call him when my labs are back. Now what?"
Advisor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
"If I had a time machine all I would do is use it to go back in time to right before I ate that thing I just ate."
"Ever been so frustrated you skipped anger and went straight to laughing like a lunatic?"
"I would love you if you were pizza."
“If you can’t handle me at my worst
Unfortunately that’s also my best.”
“It’s never too late to go back to bed.”
“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”
“It’s all downhill from here.”
“I am not pessimistic. I am optimistic that a bunch of crappy things will continue to happen.”
“Smile! Tomorrow will be worse!”
“Success is always less funny than failure.”
“Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.”
(haha, i’m going to do that.)
“If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.”
“Being a functional adult every day seems a bit excessive.”
“Don’t study me. You won’t graduate.”
“Some people are so judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.”
“There are only two profound ways to reach enlightenment. Laugh at yourself, or be tickled.”
“After enlightenment, the laundry…”