I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
"I'm on my second guardian angel. My first one quit and is now in therapy."
"Do you ever get the feeling that your guardian angel went out for a smoke?"
"Never run faster than your guardian angels can fly."
“I try to wear my angel wings every day. But sometimes I’d like to take them off and beat somebody with them!”
☕ "Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
🐢 🐢🐢 🐢
“You are turtley awesome.”
"What if 2021 was just a trailer for 2022?"
"Tonight's forecast: 99% chance of wine."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
🙂 "People will accept your ideas more easily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said them first."
Two turtles having a stroll in the morning. They talk to each other:
"What's on your mind, little turtle?"
🙂 "World domination."
meanwhile, from bundle of joy:
"It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles."
"Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner."
Well... There was a time 6 fit with me... I don't take up much room, but they all jockey for position somewhere right next to or on me... So there was potential room for at least 4 more!
“Travitude (noun). When you start to feel grumpy and sassy because you miss traveling.”
“I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.”
🙂 “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.”
“I’ve got 99 problems. But I’m on vacation so I’m ignoring them all!”
“I need Vitamin Sea.”
“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it’s lethal.”
🙂 “Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?”
🙂 "If cats could talk, they wouldn’t."
"You can’t own a cat. The best you can do is be partners."
"People that don’t like cats haven’t met the right one yet."
"A cat sees no good reason why it should obey another animal, even if it does stand on two legs."
"Cats have it all — admiration, relaxed sleep, and company only when they want it."
🙂 "Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner."
"When in doubt, look intelligent."
"If cats could write history, their history would be mostly about cats."
"Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I'm your kitten, so pet me maybe?"
"If lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us."
(that's true for some of us on this forum as well, not learning from other people's past mistakes and wise warnings.)
🙂 "I'm sorry I haven't been online for a while, my cat ate my mouse."
"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together."
bundle of joy 🙂
Because they thought it was your boundaries! !
Doctor.
—History
“Dear Past Me,
You were so stupid. Just beyond stupid. I can’t even explain how stupid you were.
Dear Present Me,
You’re still stupid. Just not as stupid as you were before.
Dear Future Me,
Don’t be stupid.”
🤔 "Coffee is vital for survival. Dinosaurs didn't have coffee, and look how that turned out."
🙂 "You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them."
❤️ "RUN. Because zombies will eat the untrained first."
yup, you're right, it's like a black hole. a black-hole-with-advantages. the internet is good and bad.
we really are - all - so addicted to the internet.
in any case, here i am again, because i want to post more quotes/jokes :). happy sunday, everyone!
❤️ "Never miss an opportunity to put a smile on someone's face. It might be the only one they get today."
🙂 "Internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it. I'm only going if there's Wi-Fi."
🙂 "Internet. Please let me sleep. I like sleep."
"On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog."
"Cinderella never asked for a prince. She asked for a night off and a dress."
🙂 "Step 1. Look at the list of chores. Step 2. Reward self with two hours of internet for making it that far."
"bundleofjoy
May 30, 2022
❤️ hopeless, hopeless. i managed to get away from the internet for about 8 hours. anywayyyy, i want to wish everyone a great week!! :) did anyone read the Senility Prayer to their LOs? i did! they laughed a lot. 🙂"
Getting away from the internet? It's like a black hole, constantly sucking you back in! I don't watch TV, so this is my way to "catch up" on the news, watch some videos, check/update my account/bills, read/respond to emails, etc., so it isn't likely I will be able to "cut the cord", so to speak... But, I was finally able to stop reading and responding to so many posts on this forum. My first attempt lasted a short while, then it sucked me in again, but other than a few messages posted privately and looking at the thread that prompted an email because someone "liked" it, so I could see what it was I posted (most are over a year old), I did manage to get off this train! Much as I did like helping others, if I could, it was taking up way too much of my time.
So, there are few emails now, very few, but when this one popped up, I decided to open up and see what I've missed! This is a good thread, to help tone things down when you are mired in care-giving. My journey ended when mom passed in December 2020 (second stroke did too much damage.) I was still willing to offer help or just commiseration, for a while, but needed to move on to getting this house "fixed" - all put on hold for 6+ years after buying it, partly because of having to oversee/help with mom.
It was fun going through this thread! No need for me to put my shoulder in for anyone to cry on, brought a few chuckles and didn't really require any effort/thinking.
I've snagged some posts that I might respond to, but since they can date back over a year, I will include the poster and the comment in particular, to 'jog' memory!
Keep those jokes going! It's good to focus on something other than care-giving and this is so helpful!
What would Jesus do?🤔
So... I turned it into wine😉
🙂 "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."
"I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry."
🤔 "Reverse psychology backfires forwards."
"Waldo group therapy, for people who need to find themselves."
"I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Please don't read it."
🙂 "I'm kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."
🙂 "I don't friend zone people, I relationship zone them. You wanna be my friend? Too bad, we're dating."
"Please stop looking so attractive, I'm trying to stop liking you."
🙂 "Excuse me, I am NOT a stalker...I am a researcher."
"What happens when two boats fall in love?...Row-mance."
"I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!"
"From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number."
"That awkward moment when your crush asks you who your crush is."
🙂 "And you sir, you're very attractive. Therefore, I will stare at you."
🙂 "Exercise makes you look good naked. So does tequila. Your choice."
🙂 "I haven't made any really bad decisions lately. I'm getting bored."
"When all else fails, there's always delusion."
"I've heard that Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
❤️❤️❤️ "If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."
"The difficult is that which can be done immediately, the impossible is that which takes a little longer."
"Being an adult is basically a choose your own adventure book, but every choice sounds terrible."
🙂 "I meant to behave but there were too many other options."
❤️ "Make good choices.
Love,
Your Future Self."
🙂 today, some Garfield quotes:
Garfield says:
🙂 "I thought about wishing you a "Happy Monday!", but that's like saying "enjoy your root canal.""
"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone...and if I do, I'll tell them not to tell anyone."
"I can't take this long-distance relationship anymore...Fridge, you're coming to my room!"
"I'm a Friday person in a Monday world."
🙂 "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable."
"God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people the way they are, courage to maintain my self-control, and wisdom to know that if I act on it, I will go to jail."
"I've only got one nerve left, please don't get on it."
"I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots...People get out of the way much faster now!!"
"If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider."
🙂 "I'm so good at being bad."
"Diet: an eating program that removes excess pounds and your will to live. Also your sense of humor."
🥳 🎉 "I swear if my memory gets any worse, I'll be able to plan my own surprise party."