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❤️ hug!! i'm hopeless. i keep wanting to disappear from the internet. and here i am again. anywayyyy, we can all read this prayer to our elderly LOs.

🙂
"The Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility

To forget the people
I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to
Run into the ones I do,

And the eyesight
To tell the difference."

------
here some quotes on Saturday:

"A day on Jupiter's moon lasts less than 5 hours, just like Saturday and Sunday on Earth."

"My week is basically: Monday, Monday #2, Monday #3, Monday #4, Friday, Saturday, Pre-Monday."

❤️ "I'm multi-slacking today."

enjoy Saturday!! 🙂
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🙂 "I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.”
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❤️ "Fri--yay!!"
have an awesome weekend everyone!! :) :)

"Fri--nally!"

"Nine out of ten people like chocolate, the tenth person always lies."

this one goes out to Sendhelp:
🙂 "I, Bundle of Joy, can make chocolate disappear. What's your superpower?"

"Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays."

🙂 "Chocolate is great, it gives you energy, which can be used to buy more chocolate."

and here i'll just throw in a vegetable quote:
"I hate when I think I'm buying organic vegetables and when I get home I discover they're just regular donuts."
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hugs!! i'm suddenly online, so of course i'll post a few funny quotes :). will disappear again from the internet a while. have an awesome day!! :)

🙂 "I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them."
(true story)

❤️ "I am a queen because I know how to govern myself."

🙂 "I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep."

"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."

"Every day thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon."

"My favorite place is inside your hug."

"I have this disease called Awesome. Kiss me, I’m contagious!"

"I have an eating disorder. I’m about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets."

🙂 🙂 "I am waiting for blessings that aren’t in disguise."
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Checking out behaviors, searching on the internet:
Limb paralysis.
Circling.
Boldness or unprovoked aggression.
Disorientation, staggering.
Uncharacteristic friendliness.

No, the skunks in my yard do not have these signs of a rabid skunk,
but my husband does.
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Another thread reminded me about the best seller entitled “Woman Who Swims With Crocodiles”. Of course, it's a short story.
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❤️ "WARNING! Monday is here, I repeat, Monday is Here!! - this is not a drill!"

"Monday again? Is this every week now?"

“Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family, they seem like good people.”

🙂 “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”

"A book called: How to slap someone through the internet."

“Why am I getting older and wider instead of older and wiser?” 

🙂 "I dream of a world where it is perfectly acceptable to slap stupid people."

🙂 “My day starts backwards…I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.”
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hugs!! :) :) so glad, polarbear. i just want to try to brighten our day :). in fact, here are some quotes on hard times:

"If hard times only make you stronger, then I should be able to whip Superman's *ss by now."

"Don't let anyone else ruin your day. It's your day. Ruin it yourself."

"When reality and your dreams collide, typically it's just your alarm clock going off."

🙂 "Women love mythical creatures...Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, men who listen..."
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bundle - you are a bright spot among the many sad and depressing stories on AC forum. Thank you for being here. I enjoy your jokes and so do my friends.
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we’ve had cookie quotes today. it’s OBVIOUSLY time for salad quotes. 🥒🍅🥬

“Every time I eat a salad, I’m like, my life better change after this.”

“Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.”

“Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.”

“If you see me eating a salad in a restaurant, I have been kidnapped and I am trying to signal you.”

bundle of joy 🙂
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❤️ i hope you have a good sunday.
🍪
take this cookie just in case.

🙂 "Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap."
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❤️ happy sunday! today, quotes about cookies!

🙂 "That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people."

"Cookies make the world go round."
so glad to hear it, i thought it was money.

"If you can't change the world with cookies, how can you change the world?"

🙂 "You know when you buy a bag of salad and it gets all brown and soggy? Cookies don't do that."

🙂 "Yesterday, I really wanted cookies. Today, I'm eating cookies. Follow your dreams."
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have fun this weekend everyone!! :) :) i'm off to a lazzzzzy saturday, sunday :),
bundle of joy :)

🙂 "For some reason, I already feel tired tomorrow."

❤️ "My goal this weekend is to move...just enough so people don't think I'm dead."

"Lazy rule: Can't reach it, don't need it."

"Laziness is the first step towards efficiency."
just trying to be positive :)

"Lazy rule 2: If something falls under the bed, it's gone forever."

🙂 "Don't be mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything."
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My great granny asked her husband "What should I do with these week old buns?", he replied "Try some deep knee bends!"
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Oh my gosh! I started a new exercise routine called cross-fit and it is so easy.




I put on an outfit, cross my fingers and hope it fits.
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🙂 and now, for something more positive:

"Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit!! So proud of myself.

It was a scarf. But still. Let's be positive here!"
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❤️ have a great saturday!

warning: the topic below is jerks.
...sometimes we bump into jerks. there are many in the world unfortunately, North, South, East, West. here are some quotes to try to make us laugh, while we deal with such people :).

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."

"It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person."

"Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?"

"I don't think you're stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking."

🙂 "I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called happiness."
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❤️ happy friday!! have an awesome weekend everyone!! some funny quotes about friends:

"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well not fire, because that's dangerous. But a super humid room...Well not too humid, because you know...my hair."

🙂 "We'll be friends till we're old and senile...and then we can be new friends."

"We've been friends for so long I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence."
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❤️ "I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row.”
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❤️ "I need something that's more than coffee but less than cocaine."
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❤️ "It may look like I'm having deep thoughts, but really I'm just thinking about what to eat next."
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❤️ happy thursday!

"May your day feel like pancakes and coffee on a Saturday morning."

"The best pancake topping is more pancakes!"

"I don't have to tell you I love you. I fed you pancakes."
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🙂 "I asked my parents what it's like to have such an awesome kid, they told me to ask my grandparents."

"If your heart was really broken, you would be dead, so shut up."

"If life is so hard, how come so many idiots are doing it?"

🙂 "I'll jump in front of a train for you, as long as the train is not moving."
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🙂 keep refusing, isthisrealyreal.
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boj, I used to joke that I may be getting older but, I refuse to grow up :-)
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❤️ "Don't grow up. It's a trap."
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🙂 yay! some more de-motivation.

"Because there’s nothing standing between you and your goal but a total lack of talent and complete failure of will."
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🙂 hugs! more de-motivational quotes.

"Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because if you don’t, everyone will ask you what’s wrong."

"Expectations – Refuse to accept anything but the very best and you are never going to last around here."

🙂 "The secret of my success? I make a list of things not to do, and then I check them off as I don’t do them."
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🙂 A judge (a child), stands up with the hammer in her hand, and proclaims:

"3 years in jail
for stealing my nose!!"
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🙂 happy wednesday! here's some de-motivation:

"Nobody can stop me but only because I haven't started yet."

"Those who doubt you probably have a valid reason."

"Please take your feelings and tuck them back inside your heart."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"You thank God daily, but have you ever once heard a ‘You’re welcome’?"

"If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It'll try again tomorrow."

"I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your text. It’s just that I don’t care about your feelings."

"Every time you tell a dead person to rest in peace, you disturb their rest."

"If you give up on your dreams that may free up some time to get some actual stuff done."
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