I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
🙂
"The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to
Run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference."
------
here some quotes on Saturday:
"A day on Jupiter's moon lasts less than 5 hours, just like Saturday and Sunday on Earth."
"My week is basically: Monday, Monday #2, Monday #3, Monday #4, Friday, Saturday, Pre-Monday."
❤️ "I'm multi-slacking today."
enjoy Saturday!! 🙂
have an awesome weekend everyone!! :) :)
"Fri--nally!"
"Nine out of ten people like chocolate, the tenth person always lies."
this one goes out to Sendhelp:
🙂 "I, Bundle of Joy, can make chocolate disappear. What's your superpower?"
"Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays."
🙂 "Chocolate is great, it gives you energy, which can be used to buy more chocolate."
and here i'll just throw in a vegetable quote:
"I hate when I think I'm buying organic vegetables and when I get home I discover they're just regular donuts."
🙂 "I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them."
(true story)
❤️ "I am a queen because I know how to govern myself."
🙂 "I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep."
"I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it."
"Every day thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon."
"My favorite place is inside your hug."
"I have this disease called Awesome. Kiss me, I’m contagious!"
"I have an eating disorder. I’m about to eat dis order of pizza, dis order of fries and dis order of nuggets."
🙂 🙂 "I am waiting for blessings that aren’t in disguise."
Limb paralysis.
Circling.
Boldness or unprovoked aggression.
Disorientation, staggering.
Uncharacteristic friendliness.
No, the skunks in my yard do not have these signs of a rabid skunk,
but my husband does.
"Monday again? Is this every week now?"
“Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family, they seem like good people.”
🙂 “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”
"A book called: How to slap someone through the internet."
“Why am I getting older and wider instead of older and wiser?”
🙂 "I dream of a world where it is perfectly acceptable to slap stupid people."
🙂 “My day starts backwards…I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.”
"If hard times only make you stronger, then I should be able to whip Superman's *ss by now."
"Don't let anyone else ruin your day. It's your day. Ruin it yourself."
"When reality and your dreams collide, typically it's just your alarm clock going off."
🙂 "Women love mythical creatures...Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, men who listen..."
“Every time I eat a salad, I’m like, my life better change after this.”
“Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.”
“Alcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad.”
“If you see me eating a salad in a restaurant, I have been kidnapped and I am trying to signal you.”
bundle of joy 🙂
🍪
take this cookie just in case.
🙂 "Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap."
🙂 "That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people."
"Cookies make the world go round."
so glad to hear it, i thought it was money.
"If you can't change the world with cookies, how can you change the world?"
🙂 "You know when you buy a bag of salad and it gets all brown and soggy? Cookies don't do that."
🙂 "Yesterday, I really wanted cookies. Today, I'm eating cookies. Follow your dreams."
bundle of joy :)
🙂 "For some reason, I already feel tired tomorrow."
❤️ "My goal this weekend is to move...just enough so people don't think I'm dead."
"Lazy rule: Can't reach it, don't need it."
"Laziness is the first step towards efficiency."
just trying to be positive :)
"Lazy rule 2: If something falls under the bed, it's gone forever."
🙂 "Don't be mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything."
I put on an outfit, cross my fingers and hope it fits.
"Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit!! So proud of myself.
It was a scarf. But still. Let's be positive here!"
warning: the topic below is jerks.
...sometimes we bump into jerks. there are many in the world unfortunately, North, South, East, West. here are some quotes to try to make us laugh, while we deal with such people :).
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."
"It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person."
"Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?"
"I don't think you're stupid. You just have bad luck when thinking."
🙂 "I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called happiness."
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well not fire, because that's dangerous. But a super humid room...Well not too humid, because you know...my hair."
🙂 "We'll be friends till we're old and senile...and then we can be new friends."
"We've been friends for so long I can't remember which one of us is the bad influence."
"May your day feel like pancakes and coffee on a Saturday morning."
"The best pancake topping is more pancakes!"
"I don't have to tell you I love you. I fed you pancakes."
"If your heart was really broken, you would be dead, so shut up."
"If life is so hard, how come so many idiots are doing it?"
🙂 "I'll jump in front of a train for you, as long as the train is not moving."
"Because there’s nothing standing between you and your goal but a total lack of talent and complete failure of will."
"Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because if you don’t, everyone will ask you what’s wrong."
"Expectations – Refuse to accept anything but the very best and you are never going to last around here."
🙂 "The secret of my success? I make a list of things not to do, and then I check them off as I don’t do them."
"3 years in jail
for stealing my nose!!"
"Nobody can stop me but only because I haven't started yet."
"Those who doubt you probably have a valid reason."
"Please take your feelings and tuck them back inside your heart."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"You thank God daily, but have you ever once heard a ‘You’re welcome’?"
"If life doesn’t break you today, don’t worry. It'll try again tomorrow."
"I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your text. It’s just that I don’t care about your feelings."
"Every time you tell a dead person to rest in peace, you disturb their rest."
"If you give up on your dreams that may free up some time to get some actual stuff done."