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:) "It's Friday!!!!........Sorry, just practicing for tomorrow."
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You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. 🤣

You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Should I put this on the "suicide" thread? 🤭

Sorry. 🦝️
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You know you're getting old when...

Getting Lucky refers to remembering where your car is parked after you've finished shopping
An All Nighter means not having to get up in the night to go to the bathroom
Getting Some Action means the extra fiber you ate yesterday is working
Your sweetie says "let's go upstairs and make love" and you say "Honey, I can't mange both"
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:) "Happy Wednesday! Or as I like to think of it, pre pre Friday."
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Timing is everything.
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:) "May the 4th be with you!"
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:) "Wednesday: only 4,320 minutes till the weekend!"
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Creed II is a boxing movie right? Watch with the right 7 yo and you could find yourself explaining what a pregnancy test is and how one works!

Momma always said if a child is old enough to ask a question they deserve an age appropriate truthful answer but we got down into the periodic table to define what a chemical was... and then a discussion of using vinegar-salt-dawn natural weed killer vs man made chemical weed killers!
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"If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, 'Did you bring the money?'"
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:) "Happy Tuesday! Or as I like to think of it, pre pre pre Friday."
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:) "Happy Monday! Or as I like to think of it, pre pre pre pre Friday."
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Even duct tape can't fix stupid.
But it can muffle the sound...
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:) "If you're happy and you know it, it's probably Saturday."

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“The key to happiness is low expectations.

Lower.

Nope, even lower.

There you go.”
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“A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.”
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;) “I miss my pre-internet brain.”
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:) "I don't need an inspirational quote - I need coffee."
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"Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe dedicated."
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:) "Cow philosophy: And, as you travel through life's journey, don't forget to stop and eat the roses."
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:) :) i'm so glad i made you laugh :) :).
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boj, I laughed out loud from these jokes.

Thanx for making my afternoon.

Have a great weekend, everyone!
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:)

"Me (young, naïve): I hope something good happens.
Me (now): I hope whatever bad thing happens is at least funny."

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"I wonder how many people think, "What the f*ck?" after talking to me."
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"The good news is, I'm pretty much who I say I am.
The bad news is, I'm pretty much who I say I am."
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"More issues than Vogue."
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:) "My mind is like my internet browser. 19 tabs open, 3 of them are frozen, & I have no idea where the music is coming from."
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rise and shine everyone! :) :)
time for some more quotes from bundle of joy :)

"Let's drink and judge people."

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."

:) "Every single day, the stupid gets stupider..."

"I have the brain of a genius. I keep it in a jar."

:) "Think positive! For example: I fell down the stairs today and thought, 'Wow! I sure fell down those stairs fast!'"
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:) “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.”
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"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it."
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:) "I suck at being self-deprecating."
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Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror, and declare to yourself, "that can't be accurate"?
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haha :). hug.
here are some funny quotes on exercising:

"Goal weight: one chin."

"Just saw 3 people jogging outside & it inspired me to get up & close the blinds."

"You never realize how long 1 minute is until you exercise."

"I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief."
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Boj, are you making fun of my exercise routine?
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“Hang on. Let me underthink this and jump to conclusions.”
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“I can’t believe you’re dating someone else just because you have never met me and have no idea who I am.”
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“I may not be that funny or athletic or talented I forgot where I was going with this.”
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:) "I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!...He's dreaming too!"
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:) "I'm so tired - of not - being a billionaire."
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"If lying was a job some people would be billionaires."
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regarding murphy's law...

we all know this one:
"Carrying an umbrella makes forecasted rain less likely to fall."

but here's a real estate pro tip (for those who are currently selling the house):

"If your house is for sale and you aren’t getting any showings, leave a pair of underwear on the floor when you leave the house. That’s the day you get showings…"
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