I decided to start a joke discussion because we as caregivers need our load lightened. We need to laugh at our own situations and those of others to take away the sting and pain we go through. If you have a joke that's racy then give a heads up at the beginning of your post for those who might not want to read your post. We need to avoid that kind of humor. Please don't come on this thread and berate anyone for their choices of humor. This is our place to let go of criticism. Thanks for sharing!!!! ;o)
Me: OMG thank you, what are they?
Now they're tenants.
because you suddenly get acne
just as your moustache is coming in
Of course your opinion matters!
Just not to me.
1.
I had a colonoscopy.
But my doctor described it to me as,
an all-day single camera shoot.
Suspect: What's that?
Officer: Your birthday.
Suspect: May 5th.
Officer: What year?
Suspect: Every year dude!
Valentine’s Day (noun)
Single’s Awareness Day
Can’t wait to receive nothing on Valentine’s Day.
I remember a tough time for me. I was 10 years old. My parents were getting divorced. They told me I have to choose who I want to live with.
I said, “Dad! I want to live with dad!”
It was heart-breaking. My mother said, “Ok whatever you want.”
My dad just said, “I don’t want to get divorced anymore.”
Valentine’s Day:
the day flowers find out which house they’ll die in.
”Can you make me one with everything?”
The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time… unlike, say, a brain surgeon.
I feel like if you give a dog a gun, he’ll be like, “Cool. I’ll use it if I need it.”
If you give a cat a gun, he’ll be like, “Already have one. I told you, I need more BULLETS.”
I need $8 million and a fast metabolism.
🌸🌸🌸🌸
here’s my new favorite joke:
You had me at “hello”.
Then I realized you were talking on the phone, and things got awkward.
Eat pasta
Fun fasta
A waist
is a terrible thing
to mind.
One good thing about music,
when it hits you,
you feel no pain.
My favorite thing about Monday
is when it's over.
Love means having to say you're sorry
every 15 minutes.
The best things in life are
fried.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today. We removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change.
Let me finish reading the police report and I’ll let you know.
Cop pulled over my grandma.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Grandma: I AM NOT A MIND-READER! …I was speeding because I was running late for a meeting, Sir! And now I’m never gonna get there on time. Ya happy?!
Jack: No…no, no.
Michael (confused)
Jack: My father died.
Michael, if we lost him, we would have sent people out to find him. We knew he was gone.
"I'm not talking to you right now" "Because you have a double standard."
"You say that I cannot eat the whole bag of treats right now, all at once."
"But, but....you are sitting right next to me here on the couch",
"Eating the whole bag of chips at once."
"That's just....not fair...um...um...uh...it's just illegal."
Do you want a man to be in love with you forever and ever and ever and ever?
Don’t talk to him.
Did you know that women need at least 5 hugs a day to maintain their health?