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"True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."
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"I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock."
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"I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots."
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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
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"I live about four muggings from Central Park."
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“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
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"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

;)
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"The first time I sang in the church choir, two hundred people changed their religion."
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"Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy."
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"I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going, and hook up with 'em later."
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"When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating."
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"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
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here i am again...more jokes :)
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"They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?"
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ah, wait...1 more quote.
:)

"I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you."
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:) just to clarify, that peace quote below, is just a joke.

last quote for the day:

"I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger."
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:)

“I do not advocate violence. I advocate peace. And then just when my opponent believes me, I punch him in the face.”


bundle of joy :)
(by the way...my real name means peace)
:)
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:)

“When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.”
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“Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that.”
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“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.”
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"On average, a panda eats for about 12 hours a day. This is the same as an adult at home under quarantine, which is why we call it a 'pandemic'."
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"I need to hire someone to just follow me around and knock unhealthy food right out of my hands."
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:) today i have some depression jokes for us.

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"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane."

"I am so depressed I am just going to let my foot hang over my bed and let the monster get it!"

"You know you are not as depressed as you think when you go to write a suicide note that is more than 5 pages long and then you come to realize it isn't a suicide note it's an autobiography slash grocery list."

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness."

"Just saying 'No' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day!' cures chronic depression."

"Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother."

"In strange ways some people fall in love with the comfort of their depression."

"I saw a book titled "Anxiety and Depression for Dummies" yesterday in the store... Not sure if it is appropriate to label someone looking for mental help a "dummy"."

"You know you're having a bad day when even the Rice Krispies give you silent treatment."

:)
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It's OK to talk to yourself...and ok to answer yourself. But sad when you have to repeat what you said because you weren't listening!!
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"Research has shown that laughing for 2 mins is just as healthy as a 20 min jog. So now I'm sitting in the park, laughing at all the joggers."
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"Better days are coming. They are called: Saturday and Sunday."
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"An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough."
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"Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom."
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"I think my guardian angel drinks."
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“If you don’t like where you are, move on. You are not a tree.”

“Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.”
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:)

Man sitting on chair, tied with ropes to the chair.
Duck-tape on his mouth.

Woman sitting on another chair:

That's so sweet. The young couple we met wants to know the secret to our long, successful marriage.
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